


No One is Stopping You

by gymbunny



Series: Team Zude [2]
Category: Hit the Floor (TV)
Genre: Adult Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-06-03 19:24:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 38,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6623206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gymbunny/pseuds/gymbunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zude's first time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jude’s body is thrusted to the bed as Zero with his left arm pushes down on Jude’s shoulder and presses his right hand firmly on Jude’s ass thrusting fiercely into him. With each push he hears the breathing of Jude growing stronger. He loves how his names hangs in the air as with each push Jude seems to call it out as if he’s pleading for more. Zero’s used to being in control…he likes being in control. Normally for Zero this is all about his needs. It doesn’t matter if he pays for sex or it’s just someone throwing themselves at him. Zero is always wanted…he craves being desired but with Jude it feels different. It’s like he enjoys the fact he’s giving him pleasure. With each caress…with each kiss he feels something between them and it’s a mixture of pleasure and total fear but regardless how afraid these emotions are making him it’s almost like he’s helpless. It’s like he’s had a hit and just craves more.

Jude lay’s there feeling Zero inside him…his mind is always racing. What is happening…this is Zero he thinks to himself. I can’t be doing this but these thoughts are suppressed with his desire, this longing for Zero to be next to him, to be inside him…he loves how his body shakes and listening to his voice growl with lust. Jude has wanted this for so long. 

Ever since he kissed him last Friday night his mind has been circling with thoughts of desire and thoughts of denial. Denial for his feelings towards Zero, denial towards his need for Zero…his denial that he wants this. Jude has been obsessively thinking about Zero since that night. Everywhere he looks he seems to see Zero standing there. Teasing him, flirting with him and it’s so confusing. It’s almost like when Zero looks at him that he begins to think Zero wants him too. The kiss was just an impulse…it was a weakness of longing. Zero looked so beautiful, so helpless…but his response was clearly not reciprocated but then all this flirting he did. The text messages, the subtle, or not so subtle jokes. The way Zero would linger his gaze at him.

When Zero had gotten to his apartment earlier that night he had assumed they would be going to the Devel’s party but when Zero arrive he wasn’t dressed for it. Zero in truth just wanted to spend the evening with Jude. He was confused about everything going on and still felt the sting of what Jelena had done to him. Ya, it was Ahsha who turned him in…but he knew who was behind it. Everything seemed to be caving in around him and he just wanted to be with Jude. He liked the way he looked at him. The way he didn’t just seem to hang on his words and say empty thoughts. He genuinely liked Jude and if was going to be honest with himself he was extremely attracted to him. 

Jude answered the door and seemed a bit more squirrely than usual. For some reason Zero found this really enduring and kinda sexy. Jude’s mumbling a bunch of crap about rebuilding your public image…rally behind you. Blah blah I try blowing him off with just not feeling like going but there is something different about him. You seem antsier than usual Jude? If I didn’t know any better I would think you have your own reason for going to this party. Jude looked at him with a heavy gaze almost like he was weighing his options and just blurts out that he was going to meet up with that assistant that he was barking at earlier in the day at the photo-shoot. Seriously, that marshmallow man…Jude, you can do so much better…look at you? 

Zero proceeds to drag it out giving every reason he can why not to go. His mind was racing…he wasn’t going to let someone else have what should be his. Jude boldly looks him in the eye…and almost seems to intimidate Zero which is not something he is used too. If I did kiss you the other night…and I’m not saying I did it wasn’t because I have nothing to go off of. Zero looks at him sternly…his mind is racing on how to react to this. It’s like his mind goes blank. He’s not used to be caught off guard and he never expected Jude to be so aggressive. Jude gives a huff and says fine, I’ll go without you than and Zero’s mind goes wild with jealously. Though, he didn’t’ know what that feeling was pounding in his chest. 

He puts his arm out and holds Jude back and almost cry’s out in a voice full of doubt “but you don’t even know him”. Jude calls him on it…and seems to be leaving anyway. Zero’s mind is racing. Jude knows him…it’s like when he looks at him he sees his bull. Jude makes him feel naked and vulnerable. This can’t happen…and he grabs Jude and kisses him. He kisses him with passion like he’s never done before. It’s almost like for Zero this is the first kiss he’s ever had. It’s the first kiss that has ever meant anything to him. Jude pulls back almost like his mind went blank and needed to focus on what just happened and with just a moment’s hesitation he forces himself into Zero and they begin to kiss with such passion. Jude feels Zero’s hand lingering down his body…grabbing at him and almost tearing off his shirt. 

They kiss with such intensity and all Zero can say is “bedroom” it wasn’t a question…it was almost a statement a demand. And Jude was willing and they go into his bedroom without breaking the grabbing and kissing. Zero takes Jude and pushes him onto the bed and lunges down on him like a hunter to his prey and begins giving these aggressive kisses down Jude’s stomach…he listens to Jude. Never picked him to be so vocal…it’s kinda hot. He likes to listen to his sounds so he picks up on what gets Jude going and the more Jude wiggles under him the more intense Zero becomes. He turns Jude around and dives his face deep inside him and Jude can’t help but feel like it’s a man starved for his body. It’s something he has never experienced. He’s never had a man before…and he’s never felt this kind of lust. But it’s more than lust…it’s Zero.  
And that is where these thoughts began…with Zero entering inside Jude. With each breath they feel as if nothing else in the world is there but this moment. Every thought of Danny, every thought of doubt is gone. Until Zero thrusts his final blow and cry’s out almost in agony as he explodes inside Jude grabbing on to him like he is going to drown. For a moment they collapse on each other. Jude had long since felt the release of his needs. Zero had made him feel so amazing. The two laid there for what seemed like a few minutes but it was much longer. They were both processing in their minds what just happened. What they just did…Jude got up to get a towel and handed it to Zero. Zero seemed timid and almost scared. All that macho bravado was gone. They sat there for a moment and Jude looked into Zero’s eyes and it’s almost like he could see his soul. Zero sensed it and got up…and said he forgot to do something. He told Jude how hot this was…and was out the door. Jude laid there…with pure joy on his face and total fear…this was Zero.


	2. The next day

The last couple days gave a lot of time for Zero to think about that night. Two days later and he could still feel Jude’s soft lips and his strong hands caressing his body. Two days later and Zero still longed to wrap his arms around Jude’s body. Two days later and Zero wanted desperately to touch Jude…to hear his moans, two days later he still wanted him. Why can’t I get him out of my head he keeps thinking about Jude standing there about to leave and that feeling of desperations, that feeling of utter weakness and jealously. It’s almost like these feelings are foreign to him and he can’t seem to process what it is he’s feeling. Zero is not used to allowing himself to feel weak.

 

Jude however the last two days have been not one of filled with remorse as much as total confusion. He woke the next morning feeling more alive then he had in his entire life. Jude lies in bed and was staring at the ceiling with the morning light reflecting shadows and hues of amber on the walls. Jude wasn’t sure what happened…well, he knows what happened but how did it happen. One moment he was standing there trying to get Zero to go to a party so he could go meet up with a guy he met. He remembers standing there challenging Zero and Zero was jealous. Jealous...for me! Me? Know one has ever made me feel desired liked that. Sure women hit on me….but if I was going to be honest…I’m not into women. I’ve never felt beautiful before…not like this. I’ve never felt desire like this. He lies there with a smile on his face. Zero liked me! Maybe not love but he found me attractive…Zero. One of the 20 most hottest athletes according to Sports Illustrated…and he had sex with me!

 

Two days pass since Zero took Jude and Zero finds himself unable to stop thinking about Jude. He finds himself going out of his way to walk around the stadium looking for Jude so he could bump into him. But he doesn’t find him….he looks at his phone and writes notes to him and deletes them. Zero is a cocky arrogant aggressive man…and Jude is making him weak. I just can’t do this….Zero finds himself driving over to Jude’s condo. No, no…I’m not doing this. But he’s unable to turn the steering wheel. It’s like his arms are not doing what his head is telling him to do. His heart is beating hard. He feels his breathing is heavy as if he just left the gym…his heart wants to explode. What is going on here? I just got busted for prostitution! I’m a fricken mess and he keeps thinking over and over that this is another bad idea. I can get any woman or man I want he keeps thinking. Jude is my Agent. He’s the only friend I actually have. I can’t do this…and he keeps thinking this as he sits outside Jude’s place waiting for him to get home.

 

Jude arrives home about 45 minutes after Zero first arrived…leaving Zero feeling even more confused. He has been sitting in his car thinking for 45 minutes. What the hell…am I some stupid high school chump? I’m fricken Zero! And yet…45 minutest later and the very important Zero is sitting there desperately waiting for Jude. But desperate is not an emotion Zero is prepared to show. He wont’ show this…he can’t. Jude garage is on the other side of the street and when he enters his place he looks out the window and see’s Zero’s car parked outside window. He looks at this for a few minutes. Zero hasn’t seen him yet…and Jude just smiles. He knows what this is about. He can see the stern look on Zero’s face. Jude opens his door and Zero sees him…he opens his door and gets out. Jude looks up at Zero and smiles. And what do I owe the pleasure of this…you do know I have an office you could go too. I haven’t heard from you in two days. Zero walks up…just gives Jude this uneasy lustful gaze, which wipes the smile off Jude’s face. Zero walks up to him…Jude is pushed into the wall. With Zero wrapping his left arm around Jude’s neck. With his other arm he shuts the door and draws himself closer to Jude. They can feel each others breath and Jude can’t take his eyes out of Zero’s piercing blue eyes. His gaze is so intense…he feels so vulnerable. Jude feels so much uncontrollable desired. And with a rush of heat Jude catches Zero off guard and grabs his face and kisses him. But not the kiss that was out of desperation…this was soft, tender kiss. This kiss was something Zero wasn’t expecting and Jude can feel that in how Zero loosens his grip and almost begins to caress Jude. Zero's body leans against Jude as he wraps his arm around his waste and pulls him up with his right hand as he grabs his ass and leans into him. 

 

They find themselves as the moments go on becoming more desperate for each other…and Zero with the same commanding growl’s first words to Jude was “bedroom”. This time Jude was prepared…this time Jude knew what to expect and he eagerly took Zero to his room and they laid on his bed making out…rubbing there hands exploring each others body. This time once they had there orgasm Jude wasn’t so quick to see Zero leave. This time he decided to talk with him. He rolled over onto his side and smiled into Zero’s face. Well, that was fun! Lets order some food and think about going for round two if you are game. Zero looked at Jude and Jude could see his thoughts. Jude knew Zero…Jude knew Zero wanted to run. Jude knew Zero was scared but Zero didn’t leave. Not this time. Not yet at least…Jude wasn’t going to push it. He just wanted round two!


	3. Pon Farr

Zero laid there next to Jude. His head was spinning. Every part of him wanted to run. He was fine with casual sex. It was the false form of intimacy he could control…it was a familiar pattern. Even when he “dated” he never gave himself. It was always what he could get out of the relationship. It was a way for Zero to feel in control. But as he laid there he looked over at Jude. That smile, ARGH, it did something to Zero’s insides. He leaned over and gave Jude a kiss and jumped up from the bed hitting his hands onto the mattress and said let’s get some food. I’m starving…and then we are going to get back inside that pretty little ass of yours again. He flashes that smile and leaned over to give a peak on Jude’s cheek and walked towards the bathroom. 

Jude was laying there mesmerized at how beautiful Zero’s body was. Letting his gaze linger at his long lean waste and setting his eyes on his muscular ass as he walked away. Zero was so sexy it made Jude’s insides go insane…he can’t seem to get over the fact he’s having sex with this man. He laid there looking up at the ceiling for just a moment trying to collect his thoughts and he got up. Zero went into the shower to get cleaned up a bit…he needed to clear his thoughts. He said to himself…I can do this. Just focus Gideon. Don’t be a dumb twat and screw this up. It’s just Jude…dammit it’s Jude. His mind was going around…he has never been so attracted to anyone like this before. Breath Gideon he repeats under his breath. 

He came out of the shower with the towel around his waist. His hair was slicked back and Zero found Jude on his sofa just wearing a pair of sweatpants. Hey there Zero looked over at Jude and flashed that smile. Jude was preoccupied ordering something from the local Asian place a mile from his place. Jude ordered from there so much that they knew his order…Hey Cherry, yup…no I’m going to need a bit more food tonight. Ya, I’ll do a double order of General Tso’s Chicken, ya, and also give me an order of cashew chicken…and a large vegetable fried rice. Jude looks over at Zero…want anything else? Ya, get me a couple steamed dumplings pork. Oh and couple vegetable rolls. Zero looks over at Jude…that should be enough to get my energy back. He gazes at Jude with lust and licks his lips and Jude notices this. He smirks to himself and finishes up with the order.

Jude learned a couple things from Zero that night…he’s never one to share to much information. He’s rather an enigma. Zero only lets people get so close to him and then they hit the wall. Jude learned Zero is geek…he had the remote and turned it to the Cartoon Network and then settled on SyFy channel. He’s apparently a Trekkie…who would have guess that one. I could deal with Star Wars…but seriously these old episodes are so lame. Zero looks over at Jude and said I’m so gonna go all Pon farr on your ass. Jude looks at him and laughs, what a geek. Pon farr? Ya, it’s when the Vulcans blood boils with lust and they go all hot and heavy with their mating needs. Jude laughs, you are such a looser Zero…a hot looser though right Zero responds. 

The food comes and they are eating…and Zero leans over and gives Jude a kiss on his neck. You have any idea how sexy you are Jude? I love that mole, it drives me nuts. Jude looks at him with surprise. And finds himself straddling Zero…Zero gives slow kisses as he’s going around Jude’s neck and pulls him tighter. He gabs Jude’s face and kisses him with such passion. Jude pulls back…Zero, I don’t…I don’t want to ruin our friendship. What are we doing here? Zero turns to Jude and flashes a smile. We are having fun? Having fun Jude repeats…you’ve had fun with men before? Zero chuckled...ya, I have. I’m an equal opportunity lay he says with a slur and give that smile. Jude, seriously don’t’ over think this. It’s just fun. We can continue having fun or not. It’s up to you. 

Jude sits there and just smiles. So what is this…friends with benefits? Zero laughs…ya, friends with benefits. Wanna get some benefits now? Jude laughs and kisses Zero, hell ya I do. I could use some bennies right now. Jude isn’t used to this. He has never had a causal relationship with anyone…tells himself don’t think about this. Have fun. He’s hot, you like having fun with him…this will be ok. Won’t it? Jude looks at Zero and says we can do this…but I do want to make sure we are OK. Your friendship means more to me then sex and I don’t want to lose that. Cool? Zero just looks at him taken back. He isn’t used to such openness. Such honesty. Ya, friendship…it’s going to be ok Jude. I find you hot…you find me hot. That wasn’t a question…it was a statement he says with his tone. Jude smiles and lets Zero take him back to bed. Let’s go get our Pon farr on stud. 

Jude and Zero began their relationship as friends. Zero was never one to have any real friends…sure he has a lot of superficial friends but not ones that he knew that genuinely cared about him. Jude was that friend. Well, he became that friend as time went on. Zero always enjoyed the way he could push Jude’s buttons…characteristics he found annoying in others for some reason he found enduring with Jude. He loved how wound up he got…and the way he would roll his eyes and call him on his bull. He loved how sincere Jude was. Jude was simply a man who craved to be loved and excepted.

After the last encounter at Jude’s place Zero and his relationship seemed to slip back into an easier pattern. They never talked about it…not directly. It was only when they were being intimate or Zero was feeling extra horny that they would talk about sex. Other than those moments they just carried on as before. They talked a lot about business but mostly Zero just found himself coming over and just hanging out. 

Zero keeps letting his mind wander…he was thinking about Jude’s lips and his thoughts wandered to his neck…and his soft skin and that a perfect ass he can’t seem to get his face out of. Friends with benefits he says to himself.


	4. You’re loving on a guy!

The relationship…or whatever this is has been going on now for a couple months. At first Jude was a little taken back as Zero seemed to be coming over more frequently. So much so that Jude had given Zero a key to his place so he wouldn’t have to wait in his car for him. Something at first Zero seemed very hesitant in taking but later seemed to have embraced it…a great deal more than Jude had anticipated. It wasn’t uncommon for Jude to come home and find Zero sitting on his couch watching something on TV. He had taken to stocking up his fridge with the foods and beer Zero liked and had counter space set aside for all his protein shakes and supplements. For a man who didn’t want to be in a relationship it was starting to look like one.

Jude comes home…he had asked Derek to come over. He’s been a bit distraught with Olivia blackmailing him. She had become aware that Jude had been supplying Derek with drugs. They were discussing what course of action they need to take when Jude noticed Zero’s key’s on his coffee table. FUCK! Jude thinks to himself. FUCK FUCK FUCK his thoughts race. Um, Derek…I don’t have an alibi for the evening of the murder….do you? Derek is quick to respond he didn’t…let’s be each other’s alibi but right now I need to clear my head. Lets talk about this tomorrow and figure out how we should proceed. 

Derek is not even 5 min out the door and Zero walks out of the bathroom. Jude panics but Zero looks casual, like nothing out of the ordinary. Well, if one calls a porn star strutting around in a towel naked in your living room normal. When did you get in? Zero just smiles and looks at him drying his hair…a bit ago he responds. Thought I’d take a shower before you got home. He winks at Jude. Jude seemed a bit frazzled to Zero…he laughs to himself. Um, I’m going to jump in the shower quick then we can celebrate that win. Zero smiles but as Jude walks away from him he starts thinking to himself what the frack….what should I do? He finally has something on Derek. That little piss could go down but he wasn’t counting on his feelings for Jude. 

Zero stood there for a few moments while Jude was in the shower. He went and got a couple beers for each of them and sighed. He knew he couldn’t do it. Not to Jude. Jude wasn’t just his only friend…Jude was starting to mean something to Zero and he wasn’t prepared to deal with that right now but he wasn’t prepared to sell him out. 

Jude was taking a longer shower than normal…he kept thinking play it cool Jude. I don’t’ think he heard you. He would have noticed it….Zero didn’t hear him. He was confident on this…and started to relax a bit as he stood in the shower. His mind started to drift to a conversation he had earlier with Lionel. You’re loving on a guy kept playing in his head. It was something Lionel said to him. She had asked him to go to a premier with her and was saying since you are not seeing anyone when she noticed in Jude’s eyes something…and asked or are you? 

“They won’t care. They are not the possessive type” He laughs at this as he’s showering….why did I say that? They aren’t dating. Sure they go out but seriously, Zero flirts with everyone. They go out but its like they are buddies but it’s when they are alone it feels so different. Jude gets out of the shower and is drying his body. He can see Lionel sitting there…you’ve said THEY twice. We’re playing the pronoun game. My brother played the pronoun game…wound up married to a biker in Providence. You’re loving on a guy! Am I? 

Jude gets out of the bathroom and finds Zero sitting on his couch. He was shirtless with a pair of sweats on…he had taken the time to light a few candles and was watching the TV. Jude is never sure if Zero is being romantic or is he just getting the mood ready so he can get in his pants. Zero looks over at him…hey want a beer? I have one for you over there. Jude smiles and grabs it sitting down next to him. He curls next to Zero on the sofa. They scan through the channels and come across an old 90’s cult classic Clueless. Jude finds out earlier on that there are many things about Zero people just don’t see. A closet romantic is one of them…and if you tease him on it he’ll change it so it’s just a game they play for now. Jude pretends that it doesn’t mean anything but the signals are getting very confusing. And they are to Zero too. 

Zero leans over to Jude and kisses him on the head…and turns his face around wrapping his arms around his waste and begins to kiss Jude. Zero likes to have aggressive sex…he likes to be in control. But that is mostly, if one is being honest, because Zero is afraid of anything real. He gives signals that this means more. The way he holds Jude while they are watching something. The times Jude comes home to find Zero making him dinner. Just little things…but it’s like Zero has to ruin the romance and make the sex seem casual. It’s a way of protecting himself…a way of saying to himself they aren’t dating. They are buddies hanging out and they have sex. But slowly those ideas are changing for Jude. 

Jude’s loving on a guy. And he’s not sure what to do about it….and to be honest he’s not sure if he wants to do anything about it. It would make both of their lives very difficult. And honestly with Olivia and all the shit going down this is not going to happen. Not now. So Jude kisses him back….and this time it’s Zero who is getting the hickey on his neck. Something else Zero finds out tonight…he likes being the prey.


	5. Tormented Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zude's Dreams

Zero  
After a heated night Jude lays next to Zero something that has become a frequent pattern so much so that each of them without knowing has started becoming used to the other next to them. However as Zero is laying there the rain is pouring outside and the window is open bringing in a soft breeze of cool autumn air. He lays there next to Jude not a man in peace but a mind that is in a dark place.

Gideon…don’t leave me…Gideon, Gideon a small girl is crying hysterically as a social worker is strapping her in a car. A small boy is standing there with his head down low tormented and lost. Abandoned. Gideon and his sister have been in foster care since their mother abandoned them when he was five…he’s now 10. For 5 years he has lived in this house being raised by two people who cared nothing for him. All Gideon was, well, all he was is Zero. He was made to feel like nothing and now that his sister Laura was taken from him he was nothing…he was Zero. 

Zero drifted in his sleep…thoughts of his foster care givers. Leo and Carla were abusive care givers. Social Services had done a surprise visit and caught them off guard. They noticed the environment all the children were living in and they were taken away. The agents had a difficult time placing Zero. He had been so neglected and had such a bad record already. He was caught on numerous occasions for stealing and took his frustration out often on vandalism and even had charges against him for physical abuse against another child at school. 

Zero went from foster care to another one but with time he found a release of his anger with sports. Zero found he had a talent with basketball. It was a teacher in his school that had taken notice of him and pulled him aside one day urging him to try out for the team. When Zero was accepted to the team he found his outlet. He found something that he could be good at. He could show people how big Zero could be. Zero was not a stupid kid. He was a kid who was lost in the system and it was by some grace above that Zero was able to dig himself out from his world. 

But as he laid next to Jude flashes of Laura and her screaming his name…it was something he never wanted to hear again. He never wanted to hear the name Gideon. He found that name was unbearable to hear. He shut everyone out in his life. He was not able to show his true self to anyone…everything was a mask, a disguises to protect himself from the pain of being left alone once more. 

Zero was only allowing himself to be in casual relationships…selfish acts that allowed him moments of intimacy but a false intimacy, an empty existence. Zero ended up using people but in the end he still was a zero because he was letting himself be used. That is until Jude. Here is the reason Zero is tormented this night. Thoughts of Jude in his head…his smile, his touch. Jude’s openness has caught Zero off guard. He was scared…and emotionally try’s so hard to shut himself off but is incapable of staying away from him. He finds Jude to be toxic…a drug and the more he takes it the more he needs it.

Jude  
Jude however is a different case…his torment is different than Zero’s. He lays next to Zero feeling his warm embrace. The caresses of his hand against Jude’s face. The way his fingers comb through his hair as he lays in his arms. How did this happen? He is falling for this man and he knows deep inside that Zero is too. He can feel it in his touch even though he won’t hear it in his words…but he also knows Zero can’t give him what he wants. Jude dreams of Zero, he thinks of Zero all the time. After a life of disappointments, he can’t help but find comfort in the attention Zero is giving him. Sure he had love from his mother but he also had a life time of disappointments from his father. It didn’t matter how much she loved him all Jude wanted growing up was his father’s love. But sadly Jude only felt that he was never good enough and as he lays here with Zero he feels he isn’t good enough. Zero won’t give up everything to be with Jude. Jude even though he can’t acknowledge it feels deep inside that he isn’t good enough for Zero. But for the moment, just for this moment he has Zero’s attention. He has his touch and he will take whatever he can get. But deep down…Jude is starting to really want more from Zero.

Zero wakes up in the morning before Jude…just lays there looking at him. Fear is settling in his heart as he knows how much he enjoys being here at this moment. Fear only intensifies when Jude wakes up and looks at him and smiles.


	6. Birthday Wish

It’s not even 10pm and Jude finally finds Zero sitting at the bar not far from Zero’s condo. When he walks in he sees the blond in the corner staring at the TV hanging over the booze display in back of the bar. It’s hard not stare at Zero…he looks beautiful with the soft lights shining on him. Though Zero seems to be somewhere lost in his thoughts when a woman approaches him obviously recognizing Zero. Hey, you’re Zero aren’t you…she coly looks at him. Zero just sits there…not interested is all he says. He just continues looking up at the monitor not paying attention. She is persistent and sits next to him grabbing at his arm. I’m a big fan and begins to caress his arm. Jude’s insides begin to tighten when to his surprise Zero pulls his arm back. Really, not interested! With a stern finality in his voice. The woman stands up and looks crossly at him and blurts out, you’re an ass…your loss as she walks away. 

Jude is hesitant in approaching Zero thinking perhaps he should leave him alone when Zero turns around and just beams. Those blue eyes shining …hey how’s my buddy. Ya, he’s totally wasted Jude thinks to himself. The bartender walks over…hey Zero want another. Zero taps his hand on the bar and Steven pours him another shot. He’ll have a vodkatini..Zero slurs as Jude takes the seat the woman had just been in. And make it dry, he likes it dry. And make it Grey Goose, that’s what he drinks. Jude looks at him and smiles. You know what I want eh? Baby, I always know what you need. Zero say in a low voice and gives that infectious smile that just makes Jude’s insides melt. 

So babe, what brings you to Ike’s? Perhaps because of the not so subtle openness of Zero’s intoxication Jude just blurts out he was concerned about him. He hadn’t heard from him in a couple days and just wanted to make sure everything was OK. Zero looked at Jude with surprise with the sincerity in Jude’s tone. Jude genuinely cares about him, no idea why Zero thinks to himself. It’s my birthday Zero exclaims. Happy fucking birthday to me! Here’s to me and he raises his shot and downs it. It’s your birthday…why didn’t you tell me. We could have done something. Zero looks at him…I don’t celebrate my birthday. It’s just another day….but hey, I’m celebrating now with you. My Jude. My buddy Jude. Zero looks at him…flashing Jude that smile. Jude can’t help but feel like he’s seeing something in Zero he hasn’t seen before. Zero’s wall seems to be down and Jude feels a flood of emotions as he is sitting next to Zero who is expressing his feelings with more ease. Perhaps Jude is just taken back that Zero seems to feel something for him.

They have never had any problem making small talk and just spending time saying nothing. As the past few months have progressed a comfortability with each other has developed. As the evening progressed and a couple drinks later Jude is carrying Zero to his car. Telling the bartender that Zero is going to leave his car here and he’ll be driving him home. Jude pulls up to Zero’s place…and takes him into his place. Zero stumbles knocking over a planter that is outside the lobby doors. Jude just takes his keys and gives the doorman a nod. Hello Mr. Kinkade. Haven’t seen you for a while. How have you been doing? Doing quite well Jerry…how are the kids? Eh, Michaels been a pain in the ass lately. But hey, he’s 15. Bet you were a good kid at that age. Jude just laughs, he was a rather dull child and didn’t give his mother any reason to be concerned. Just going to take Zero inside…it’s been a good night for him. Zero just beams, hey Jerry…this is my buddy Jude. You’ve met Jude. Everyone should know Jude. Jude smiles.

As Jude gets Zero into his place he walks Zero to his bed and tells him to sit here…just sit, don’t lay down. I’m going to get you some Tylenol and some water I want you to drink first. You always look out of me Jude. I’d be…what did you say? Jude just smiles as he goes to the bathroom and grabs a couple pills and gives the tablets to Zero to take. Well, stud, I’m going to go…I’ll just get you tucked in and check on you in the morning. Zero grabs his arms with a look of desperation. Don’t leave. Stay with me…please. Just wanna have you next to me. It’s my birthday you know. You make my birthday. You make every day. Jude just stairs at him…not sure how to process this openness. He can’t hide it any longer to himself. When he hears Zero talk like this his insides melt and he knows deep down how much he is falling for him. Jude puts Zero into the bed and takes his side of the bed and Zero surprisingly just throws himself around Jude and pulls him close. And with-in minuets Zero was passed out. Though, Jude couldn’t help but notice how tight Zero’s grip was on him. He felt safe…he felt wanted. And surprisingly Jude feel asleep…with Zero’s face nestled next to Jude’s shoulders with his arm wrapped around him and his leg entwined with his. It might have been Zero’s birthday…but that night Jude was making the wish. 

Jude wakes up to find Zero laying in the same spot…though, it had only been a few hours since they got to bed. Jude gets up and is taking a shower and Zero wakes up…his head was hurtin something bad and then he started to remember last night. A panic grew within him…he realized what he was saying. He couldn’t remember the details but he recalls moments. He recalls telling Jude how much he cares for him…he remembers holding his hand at the bar. When Jude got out of the shower he was all smiles. Good morning Sunshine. He walks over to Zero and hands him a glass of water. I feel like shit Jude. What the hell did I do. Zero decides to play dumb…and Jude seems to buying into it. Oh nothing, we just were at Ike’s. We have to go over in a bit and get your car but I think first we need to get you showered and get some grease inside you. Zero smiles…ya, some pancakes sound good, plus we both know you just wanna get me naked. Not that I can blame you. He winks and smiles at Jude. 

Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday? Zero just looked at him with a blank look…same look he gives when anything personal comes up. Just don’t celebrate it. It’s not a big deal. Let’s just go get some food. Jude knew that the warm words were done…and for now he is just going to hang on to the fact that he knows deep down Zero likes him as much as he likes Zero. But there is a part of Jude that is beginning to become irritated at this wall. Why does it take booze for Zero to show anything? But he looks at Zero, sighing deeply, he doesn’t know what to do. But right now, in this moment, he’s going to just spend the morning with Zero and worry about that tomorrow.


	7. Hope

Jude finds himself standing outside his father’s mansion. He has been bothered a great deal ever since Chase Vincent’s was released. Olivia had blackmailed Jude and even though he knew he was innocent he wanted, he felt, it was important to tell his father. He stood there taking a deep breath. They have never been close and in truth he has had little to do with his father but even now here he stands feeling like a 10-year child begging to have his father notice him.

He rings the doorbell and his father’s butler answers the door. Hello Mr. Kinkade how have you been? I’ve been well Jared, and yourself? Your wife and you are doing well? Yes sir, thank you for asking. I will let Mr. Kinkade know you are here. Please wait here. Jared disappears down the long hallway and is gone for just a few moments when Jude see’s him reappear. Mr. Kinkade will see you in his study. Is there anything I can get for you? No Jared, I’m fine. And the butler disappears into the other room leaving Jude walking towards his fathers study. 

Jude never liked this house. He didn’t like how dark it was. The study was dark with wood paneling leaving a cold and ominous feeling. Something I’m sure is just a reflection of his father’s personality. It was never a warm or welcoming house. Everything had its place and nothing was ever out of place. Hello Oscar, do you have a moment? Come in Jude…have a seat. Jude sits in the oversized leather chair. The chair makes him feel like a little boy and to many memories of awkward conversations flashing back as he sits there looking at his father. Jude looks up at his father and started stammering. There is something I’ve wanted to tell you for sometime but just didn’t know how to say it. But before Jude could go further Oscar just looked at him sternly with a half smirk on his face…Oscar would get this conceited look when he thought he had the upper hand. I know you do. Before the ground breaking I had Olivia Vincent followed and I know she met with you. Jude looked up at Oscar. His mind was going a mile a minute…he knew? But, he didn’t’ do anything about it. Never said anything. Oscar went on…I know she met with you Jude. So I had you checked out too. I know what it is she had on you. Jude looked at his father waiting to see what he does. Not only did his son deal drugs but he gave them to his star player…his mind was numb.

Oscar went on…your neighbors say you have a regular visitor. It was at this moment Jude could feel his heart beating. FUCK! Zero and me…he fucking knows about Zero and me. You have a gentleman apparently who visits you. Your walls are thin and I guess the two of you are rather load. Jude just stairs at him with a blank look, my neighbors can hear me he thinks? Jude is rather embarrassed at this moment…and not sure where this conversation is going when his father looks at him coldly. If you thought confessing your secret gay life was going to bond us you know me about as well as I know you. Before Jude could respond Oscar started talking about his mother and her limitations. She was to small for the big life I was making so she moved on. You’ve been trying to take after me. You should try to take after her. Jude sat there as his father told him he would never have his approval. I assume that’s all you came to say? Jude was standing at this moment…he started to walk away and looking back he said Dad, Oscar, he began and Oscar looks at him and with one final blow tells Jude he has no son and then looks down at his desk not seeing the pain he just caused his son. 

He walked out of the study. Jared was standing there. He looked into Jude’s eyes and the compassion he felt from those eyes. Mr. Kinkade I…no Jared, call me Jude. You heard Oscar. I’m fucking no body. I’m not a Kinkade. I’ve tried my entire life to get him to notice me. I have no son Jude murmurs to himself. Jude looks down and just walks down the hallway out the familiar door. Jared stars at him for just a moment and closes the door never understanding why his father treated his son so disrespectfully. He always found Jude to be a sweet boy…remembering fondly moments when he came to visit. It was the only time the house had life in it. Jared has been employed for Oscar for over 30 years. He was there when Jude and his mother left…and he is well aware of the struggles and pains Jude has had to endure. Jude left Oscars house and honestly everything was a blur. He was numb. Jude sat at his steering wheal almost unable to move all he could hear is I have no son. He had tried for so many years to win his fathers affections. He never understood until now what his mother gave him by leaving this man. He had blamed her all those years for taking away his father, for taking away his opportunity to be someone important but to his father he no one. 

Jude went home and just fell to the floor sitting against the sofa. He had his head pressed into his knees fighting back anger…that’s when Zero came. Jude looked up at the familiar blond and with a sudden realization he recalled his father never said Zero’s name. Oscar didn’t know who the man was and the part that was funniest is he didn’t care enough to find out who he was. Jude just looked at Zero and for a brief moment just laughed to himself…he’s getting fucked regularly by his dad’s star player. Zero walked in and just with one glance his heart broke. He came over to Jude’s often times for sex but more often just because he has no one else he would rather be with though he wont’ admit that to himself. You look like shit. What happened to you? Jude looks up at him and with one of the saddest eyes Zero has ever seen. I went to see Oscar. 

I don’t have a son. That’s how he said it. Just like that. Jude looks at Zero, I don’t have a father. I never had a father. I was a monthly burden to him. He didn’t care about me. He never cared about my mother. He only cares about his fucking money. I don’t’ have a son. Jude just keeps repeating it. Zero is a man who avoids emotions. He avoids allowing himself to be close to someone and he just stands there against the desk looking down at Jude. Every part of him wants to go down and pull him up. To tell him how amazing he is. How beautiful he is…how important he is. But Zero just stands there impotent, not able to move. 

I keep reaching out to people, to you, to Oscar. Just once I want someone to reach back Jude exclaims. Something triggered in Zero and he reached into the desk and pulled out the red envelope with a note from Olivia regarding the blackmail. Jude didn’t see what Zero had done. He was so consumed with his pain. Zero just walked over and tossed the envelope between Jude’s legs and sat down next to Jude. But kept his distance as not to be to close and he didn’t’ look at him. Zero wasn’t used to emotions like this. He wasn’t used to being vulnerable and letting his wall down. But for one moment Zero did…just a little. You knew? You heard my conversation with Derek about the coke. You could have used it to hurt him but you didn’t because it would have hurt me. Zero looks down…don’t make a think out of it. But to Jude this was a big deal. This was something he wasn’t expecting. Hope. Zero wasn’t drunk…he wasn’t smiling or his usual charismatic bravado. Zero cares about him and he just showed it.  
Zero looked over briefly at Jude. It was terrifying to look into his eyes but when he did a burst of emotions opened up inside Zero. I was raised in a foster home he went on to say. Foster parents who collected the kids to collect the checks. Think I came up with Zero. No, that’s what they called me…Zero. They called me that because to them I was a zero. I was nothing. I kept that name…I wanted to show them, I wanted to show me, just how big Zero could be. You have no control over what people think about you. All you have control over is how you view yourself. Jude just stars at Zero. He realized he knew so little about him and his unwillingness to open up seemed to be making so much more sense now. Just because people are supposed to care about you doesn’t mean they will Zero went on to say. Sooner you forget about Oscar the better you’ll be. Jude knew that was true. It was something his mother said almost like a childhood mantra. But it’s something more difficult to believe. He tried so hard for so long to please this man. If you only knew what I’ve done for that man is all he said.

Zero looked at Jude and tapped his leg. He got up and started walking to the door. I think you need to be alone right now. But in truth, Zero wasn’t leaving for Jude. He was leaving because he felt naked and that left him feeling uncomfortable. Jude looked at Zero and staring into Jude’s eyes he just kept thinking fuck he loved those eyes. Stay with me please Jude said. I just really need you tonight…I don’t want to be alone. Zero stood there terrified and put his head down defeated. He walked over to Jude and sat on the sofa. Jude came and laid in his arms and they said nothing. That was probably the most intimate moment either of them have ever had with anyone. For Jude it meant everything. It gave him hope that perhaps there is a chance for them but to Zero it just made him confused but he closed his eyes and just wasn’t going to think about it. He was going to just hold Jude. He loved how he felt in his arms, the smell of his hair, the softness of his skin. Zero was falling in love with Jude. He kissed Jude on the head and said lets go to bed…the blond man took Jude’s hand and lead him to the bedroom where just for one night Zero was going to be what Jude needed. Tomorrow he doesn’t know what will happen.


	8. On the Road

Devils are playing at an away game in Chi-Town tonight against the Bulls. Derek Roman shot the winning basket pulling the team that much closer that championship ring they are all craving. Zero, like the rest, is pretty caught up in the excitement and the guys and the Devil Girls head over to Jitters, a hot dance club in Chicago for some much needed unwinding and dancing. Not like it’s anything out of the ordinary but Zero is never at a shortage of beautiful women (and a few men) hanging on him trying to vie for his attention. The ultimate goal for many of them is to bed this blond so they can have bragging rights with their friends later on. Zero is an extremely attractive man with an infectious personality. There isn’t many within the Devils team that can compete against his charm and charisma when it comes to flirting and having fun.

Zero doesn’t have a lot of friends on the team, but in truth most of that is his doing. Zero has the ability to charm when he needs to but along the way he pisses a lot of people off. But one person Zero is closest to is sitting at the bar with him. His name is Steve Diegle, he’s the Point Guard for the Devils and he isn’t quite the natural beauty Zero is but has a smile and a personality that people just can’t help but be drawn too. And Zero has noted on more than one occasion he has one hot looking ass. 

The bar is extremely packed. The lights are low and the house music is playing. The atmosphere in this place is incredible. It seems like all the beautiful people in Chicago are out to celebrate with Zero who is currently laughing at the bar with a couple women hanging on him. The women’s boyfriend he is chatting with is standing at Zero’s left. People are bumping and a lot of commotion is going on. People are drinking and having fun. Zero takes notice that the guy nonchalantly slides his hand across Zero’s ass. No one seems to notice and this makes Zero laugh inside. He likes living on the edge and finds it fun trying to see what he can get away with. The girlfriend looks at Zero and whispers in his ear do you wanna get out of here with Jeff and me? We’d like to take this party elsewhere. Zero looks at her and says that is a hot offer but think I’m gonna have to pass tonight. This didn’t seem to faze the woman and her boyfriend. He just looked at Zero and said if you change your mind you know where to find us as he slipped his digits into Zero’s pocket and walked away.

This is a familiar picture wherever they travel. Zero is always getting hit on and it isn’t unusual for Zero to be found missing…and who knows where he goes off too but he always winds up coming back to the hotel the next morning with a smile on his face. But tonight Zero is just drinking and having fun. Steve, his buddy from the team is next to Zero. Hey brother, I’m heading out of here. Just feel like crashing. Steve looked at Zero. Dude, can I ask you something? Zero smiled. What’s up? Just curious, are you seeing someone? You are different the last few months. Fuck no, Zero says. I ain’t tied down. Steve looks at him and smirks, just seems like it. The Zero I knew would have fucked half these women here…and I haven’t seen you hook-up in months. You just seem different. Do I now, Zero say’s. Well, I ain’t…and on that note I’m gonna go crash. Catch ya in the morning. Feel like grabbing food before we fly out hit me up.

Zero heads to his hotel. It’s a cooler night…but real pretty out. The sky is clear and he can see a couple stars. The moon looks really big tonight. He looks down at his phone and noticed Jude left a text and that put a smirk on Zero’s face. “Congrats! Watched game. You played great.” Zero takes his phone and he starts texting back but then before he hits the send he keeps thinking of what Steve said…are you seeing someone? Zero just stands there on the street looking at his phone paralyzed, unable to hit the send button. He realizes he hasn’t had sex with anyone since him and Jude started fucking. He doesn’t do relationships. I told Jude that. I can’t do relationships but Zero finds himself thinking many nights when he is alone what it would be like. He’s never met anyone like Jude. He finds himself thinking of Jude all the time. He gets hit on at bars and he thinks about how he wishes Jude was here. He is in his hotel and he finds himself holding his pillow at night dreaming of Jude. I don’t do relationships. Fuck, what am I doing. 

Zero knows Jude wants more. He can see it. He likes the fact Jude is so into him…but I can’t. Zero just looks at Jude’s text and finds himself putting his phone back into his pocket. I just can’t. But as he heads up to his room he is doing what seems to be a normal pattern for him…he’s thinking about Jude and wondering what he’s doing, what is he wearing. He’s thinking about how he smells, how soft his skin is…how it feels when he’s fucking Jude. Zero lay’s in bed and his heart is clenched. He wants more he is just scared. Zero’s never let anyone in since he was a little boy…since Laura. Zero can’t handle being alone and the funny thing is he is alone. 

Funny how you spend your entire life protecting yourself from being hurt by closing your heart up so know one can get in. Funny because in the end you have what you spent your entire life protecting yourself from…being alone. Zero’s only thought as he drifts to sleep is Jude…only in his dreams does he allow himself to wonder what if.


	9. Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Wedding

Zero has spent the majority of his life alone. He has done his best to not let people in. Ever since he was separated from his sister he’s been alone, to afraid to let someone in. Afraid because he doesn’t know how he would handle being left or rejected. It’s easier to wear a mask…it’s easier to be Zero than to be Gideon. Zero is in the car with Jude…the car he bought for Jude. He doesn’t know how it happened but somehow he let someone into his life and it terrified him. Zero turns to Jude. His face is white and his hands our fidgeting on the steering wheel. Breathe Jude. It’s going to be OK. How Zero, I have no idea what I’m doing. Lionel and my father, getting married…it makes no sense. What the fuck is she thinking? Zero looks over at Jude. Jude still has his eyes fixed on the road. I haven’t seen him since that night. I have no idea what I’m to say or how to act. Just breathe Jude…it’s not your problem. It’s his. You are Lionel’s “special guest”. He can go fuck himself. Special guest Jude repeats to himself with a small laugh. He just shakes his head as he pulls up to his dad’s mansion. 

Jude and Zero get out of the car and are right behind Ahsha & Raquel. It looks as if the entire Devil’s family was here. Zero turns to Jude, relax you’re sweating through your suit. Jude stands there holding the invitation in his hand his mind still trying to wrap itself around what was going on here. He is filled with so many emotions. He cannot even fathom what she is thinking…he wasn’t aware of any relationship between the two. As the two of them are walking up the drive way Zero cannot help but feel a bit uneasy. He wants to support Jude, he wants to put his arm around him and tell him he’s there for him but he just to terrified inside to do that. He’s going to Jude’s father wedding and it’s starting to feel like a relationship and I don’t do relationships he keeps thinking. 

Jude looks over to Zero…I haven’t even spoken to her. But you’re her special guest Zero repeats trying to lighten the mood with a chuckle…and he leans in and gives Jude a little push with his shoulder. Breath. As they approach the woman that is checking in the guests Jude notices her gaze on Zero…gaze hell, she is looking at him as if he’s naked. She was probably early 20’s at best, very attractive and obviously crushing on Zero. Welcome, I’m a big fan she gushes as she looks at Zero. Zero is naturally a flirt and he’s not used to being with someone and almost as an instinct he gives her that smile. Well, I’m a big fan of yours too. The woman becomes flustered Jude notices and at this moment Jude isn’t finding this amusing. He was surprised how upset he was. The woman looks over at Zero, can I take your coat. Jude looks at her with a stern gaze. It’s a suit he says. She doesn’t even hear Jude or for that matter notice him. Or…anything else she says. Jude wanted to punch that bitch…today is not the day for this he was thinking to himself. Jude looks straight ahead as if he’s focusing on something more important. He has crabs. Excuse me. Zero looked at her and realized what he just did.

Jude, wait up. What Zero, did you get her number? Jude! Jude turns to him his beautiful brown eyes were tense. I’m sorry all right Zero says. I didn’t mean anything…I just flirt. I didn’t mean anything by it. Ya, I know Jude says. Lets just forget about it. I’ve got to get through this day but if you could try to keep your pecker in your pants for a couple more hours I’d appreciate it. Zero looks at him…ya, but when we get back to your place later I guarantee it won’t be in my pants for very long. Jude looked at him rolled his eyes. Shut up stupid and gave a small smirk. By this time Jude spotted Lionel and turned to Zero. Go have a seat I’ll see you after the service. Jude walked away towards Lionel and Zero just stood there watching him. He has no idea what just happened. I don’t do relationships he murmurs to himself and turns and walks away. 

Zero went and found Steve Deigle and they both took a seat. Zero wasn’t aware of it but Steve had watched Jude and Zero’s interaction. He looked over at his buddy and just started to put some puzzle pieces together…I wonder he was thinking to himself. No, not Zero. Gay? But when he looked over at Zero he caught him gazing at Jude in the distance. He half smiled…this could explain why Zero hasn’t been hooking up the last few months. He has been spending a lot of time with Jude…they seem to have gotten rather chummy and he did buy him a new Porsche. I mean seriously, he was just made his agent and he bought him a brand new car. But as the night progressed Steve found himself watching the two interact with each other. There is defiantly something going on here. The way Zero goes and gets him drinks and doesn’t seem to leave his side. He shakes his head and smiles…you go Zero. It just makes a lot of sense…he just keeps thinking of other moments in the past and why he didn’t see it sooner. 

Jude was still a bit off. He just wanted this day to get over with. Lionel barley spoke to him and anytime he tried to find out why she’d distract him and walk away. Zero, can we just get out of here? I’m tired and I’m so over this…whatever this is. Zero turned to him and smiled. As he was walking out Jude noticed Jared in the distance. He was standing next to his father. He can’t remember a time as a child with his father that Jared wasn’t standing closely by. Jared just looks over and smiles at Jude and just nods his head as if he understood what Jude was feeling and for some reason it made Jude feel just a little better. Jude turned to Zero as he was walking out. They were approaching the woman that was checking them in earlier. She clearly was focused on Zero as he approached. Zero just smiled and nodded his head at her and kept on walking standing next to Jude’s side. Jude wasn’t about to let this go Zero was thinking…he could feel Jude’s eyes on him. They aren’t in a relationship he kept thinking but it would be a little more convincing if he wasn’t getting in the car with him and going back to his place to have something to eat and spend another night there. But for the moment Zero was thinking he just wanted to get out of there. 

When they get back to Jude’s Zero doesn’t even give Jude a chance to close the door and he had him against the wall. Jude needed a distraction and there is no distraction that is more appealing to him than Zero’s distractions. But to Zero it’s a way of not thinking about everything. It’s easier just focusing on Jude’s ass. But as they lay there that night Jude was curled in Zero’s arms with his head resting on his chest listening to Zero’s heart. He wasn’t letting this go…he kept thinking about the woman at the wedding. What are they doing he kept thinking. This isn’t casual anymore. Jude just didn’t have the courage to do anything about it. He loved being in Zero’s arms too much. It’s like he forgot how to breathe without Zero next to him. He just kept thinking this as he lay there before letting himself fall into sleep…dreams of what if.


	10. Gideon

Gideon. Jude stops as he’s leaving and turns around looking him straight into Zero’s eye’s. Zero stands there desperate not knowing what to do to make Jude stop and not leave him. What did you say Jude says? Gideon. That’s my name Zero responded. For the first time Gideon admitted to himself how much Jude means to him. When he saw that soft smile on his face Zero realized he loved Jude. Jude just looked at Zero and smiled. I would love to take Gideon out on a date. To a public place. And listen to him tell me exactly who he is. If you want that, give me a call sometime. At that he turned and walked away leaving Zero standing there. Zero’s mind is racing. Every part of him wanted to chase after him…to make him stop. To do something but all he could do is look at a poster of himself. All he could see was the illusion of Zero standing there with a basketball outstretched towards the camera. 

The day started off like every other. Nothing unusual for a star basketball player like Zero. He woke up feeling on top of the world. He had spent the night once again at Jude’s. He felt energized and feeling Jude next to him made him rather horny. Zero slides his hands around Jude’s waste and starts caressing him…letting his hands linger down his body as he starts kissing Jude’s shoulder. Jude begins to moan. He likes waking up like this…to Zero’s kisses. He turns to Zero and feels the weight of this blond man crash down on his chest with his face kissing the side of Jude’s neck making their way to his lips. Zero looks up at Jude. Wanna have some fun before we take off…lets go jump in the shower and smiles. Jude nodes his head. Desperate for Zero’s touch…desperate for any attention he can get from him and feels himself almost in a daze as they go into the shower together.  
But today wasn’t just an ordinary day. It started off like normal but something in Jude was building. After the game he looked over at Zero. Zero turns to him during his interview and gives him a look as if he understood. Jude desperately wanted to go over and give him a kiss. Just like every other couple around them was doing. He couldn’t help but feel defeated. What am I doing Jude keeps thinking? He looks at Zero and feels empty for the first time. He wants something more but he is just realizing it isn’t going to happen. As Zero is looking at Jude, Jude just drops his head and turns around leaving Zero feeling a bit uneasy. It’s almost as if Zero knows what Jude is feeling and doesn’t know how to respond. 

Jude walks away needing to clear his head and think and after everyone seems to have left Jude realizes he hasn’t seen Zero come out yet. He walks into the locker room to find Zero sitting on the bench with his head down. Congratulations. Your number two Jude says as Zero looks up to meet his eye. I didn’t come here to be some schmuck on the team. I came here to be the star. That’s what you promised me. Instead, I lost everything Zero says. Jude looks up at him…feeling his insides about to explode. All those emotions and feelings he has been repressing coming to the surface finally. You can’t blame me for that. You’re the one who got caught with your pants down. On more than one occasion. Zero looks at him with a blank look…are you still angry about that girl I flirted with at the wedding? Jude’s eyes growing cold looks straight at Zero…what makes you think that? Zero jumps from the bench. I lied to everyone…but you. I told you I don’t do relationships. No, Jude says, you don’t do relationships with guys. But I do. You know how I know? Because I want one, with you. After the game, all I wanted to do was kiss you. But what would have done? You would have freaked. Not because people would think you’re gay or bi or whatever you are, but because they would see an ounce of anything real from you. You’re so full of crap. One disguise after another. You’re buried so deep in there, you don’t’ even know yourself. 

Zero looks at Jude…desperately. Trying to figure out what is going on here as the damn of all their emotions seem to have burst and Jude is coming at him head on. You just figured out you’re gay or whatever. No whatever Jude says. And now you’re coming down on me? Jude looks at him…you’re right. I’m sorry. But I’m made. Mad at myself. Mad at this situation. Mad that I need something from you. Mad that I can’t get it. Most of all, I’m mad that there’s nothing I can do about any of it. Jude’s voice begins to crack. He feels so empty inside…and his mind is racing with so many thoughts. Jude turns around and walks away. Zero didn’t know what to do…it can’t end. He needs Jude. He loves Jude, but he doesn’t do relationships…and he finds himself running after Jude jumping in front of him and the door. Where are you going? You’re my agent. Jude looks at him with a coldness he hasn’t seen before. I’m done settling for percentages. Percentages of my father. Percentages of you. I want it all, and I’m not going to stick around waiting for it. 

Gideon! That’s my name. Jude smiles not because it’s funny that Zero thought shouting out his real name is actually going to make him stop but because he knew how desperate Zero was at this moment. Desperate enough to let his wall crack. It wasn’t enough to make him stop but for some reason it made him feel a little better because he knows what he felt for Zero in some small way perhaps Zero feels the same for him. But he can’t have half a Zero. That’s why his mother left Oscar. He gets it now. He needed to have the entire person. It’s not about the money, the fame…it’s about love. It’s all about giving yourself to someone as a gift and having that person reciprocate that gift in return. 

Jude turned and began walking down the hall. He could feel the tears welling up and he just had to get to his car and get out of here. What had he done. Was this the right choice? Should he have drawn the line in the sand. Should they have talked about it…but he knew there was no talking with Zero. All he would have done is charmed him as he always did and he’d give in. This was so hard. As Jude slumped into the seat of his car all he could think about is Zero….about Gideon. How he smelled, sound of his voice, the touch of his hand. He’s sitting in the car Zero bought for him. He’s going home to the bed Zero has shared with him. Shower in the tube they just had sex in. Jude is tired…tired of this situation because there is nothing he could do about it. 

Zero sat there just staring into nothing. He was in shock. He has not felt this alone since Laura left him. Gideon just sat there alone and a small tear went down the side of his face. Jude I love you he murmured softly to himself.


	11. That’d make you my boss

It’s been almost two months since Jude gave Zero the ultimatum and cut himself completely out of Zero’s life. He removed himself from Zero’s account and had him assigned a new agent. And no matter how many times Zero reached out to Jude he was met with the same resistance. After awhile Zero went silent, which hurt Jude just as much as it was hurting Zero. It wasn’t uncommon to find Zero at the Playground after practice. Not wanting to go home Zero would just come and sit there. No matter how many pretty girls, or guys, approached Zero it was met with the same silent resistance. Steve approached Zero sitting down next to him. He was growing concerned about his buddy but had kept his distance on the topic. He noticed Zero was no longer attached to Jude’s side and that Lucas was now representing him. 

Hey buddy, how ya doing? Zero looks up to see Steve Diegle, a Point Guard on the team and one of Zero’s only friends. He sits down and slaps Zero on the leg. Zero looks at him and say’s hey and then just puts his face back focusing on the half empty drink sitting in front of him. Ok bud, what the fuck is going on? You’re been acting weird for the last couple months. Just concerned… is anything wrong? Zero’s only reply is no man, I’m good. Steve just thought he’d be a bit more direct. You are acting like you’ve been dumped. Zero just looked at him with a blank look. He was caught off guard at this comment not realizing he was letting people know what he was feeling. Zero laughed, and just said, no, I wasn’t dating anyone. You sure Steve says…cause you are acting like some wounded puppy. Zero was just taken back by this and his mind was wandering to Jude. Which was pretty much a nonstop thought. Everywhere Zero went he saw Jude. He thought about him all the time and just couldn’t seem to shake the horrible feeling he felt, this feeling of being lost. He felt rejected and alone. He felt like Gideon and that was something Zero wasn’t comfortable with. He didn’t like feeling like that person, being vulnerable.

Zero looked up at Steve and said no man, just going through some shit. I’m good though. No need to worry. Though, if you don’t mind I need to get out of here. I’ve got a date I have to get ready for…some chick I picked up at the club yesterday. This was all a lie and Steve knew it. But he followed along with Zero’s lie. Zero in truth was going to go do the same thing he has done since the night Jude left him. He’s going to go home and sit in front of the television. But this night was something different. Zero sat there thinking about what Steve said. He wasn’t being Zero and it is time he has to take matters into his own hand. Zero scrolled through his phone and decided to text Jude. Jude’s picture came up and he just sat there for a moment and stared at it on his phone and hit the message button. “Meet me Thur at 2. Contact Lucas. Has address of my photo-shoot. Business proposition” Zero looks at it and smiles. He hits the send button. 

Jude is sitting on his couch watching a show…just something to distract him. He looks over at his fireplace mantel and stares at the picture where Zero’s jersey had once hung. He had taken it down shortly after his ultimatum with Zero. He just couldn’t handle coming home and looking at it but the funny thing is he just looks at the picture on the wall and all he can think about is that damn jersey that is sitting in the back of his coat closet. He is scrolling through the channels and starts watching the Food Network. They were playing some marathon of Chopped when he notices he has a text from Zero. What the hell, Jude just stares at it. He was actually a bit pissed…he goes without hearing from him in over a month and the first text he gets is about a business proposition. He threw his phone down and continued watching the TV and his mind kept going back to that text message. He missed Zero something terrible. Would it be such a bad idea to go see what this was about? And almost on an impulse he responds back saying he’ll come. Not knowing the smile that was on Zero’s face at that moment when he reads the text. Just getting a note form Jude seems to lift his spirit. Without realizing it Zero’s mood was starting to turn and he began contemplating how he could get Jude back. With Zero everything was calculated and thought-out beforehand. He knew he had to make a game plan. 

Nice Zero, that’s hot (snap snap). Look over here Julia, ya tilt your head towards Zero’s feet. The camera is busy taking pictures of Zero who is standing greased up in a pair low-rise cut briefs with two half naked women grabbing at his legs when he looks over and a wide smile appears on Zero’s face. He looks at the photographer, Take 5 Jerry. Jude, glade you came! Zero struts over to Jude. Damn, did he look good Jude thought! Jude looks at Zero…hate to have missed this. It wasn’t said with any enthusiasm. Zero notices it but he wasn’t going to back down now. He was much too happy to see Jude…his heart was pounding. Ya, 2 titles and I guess sin is in. Beer campaign tomorrow, Trojan in the afternoon…this is my new underwear line. What do you think? Zero draws Jude’s eyes down as his hands lingers tugging down his underwear just a bit. Damn, they showed off his abs so well. Jude looks up trying to remain calm not wanting to give Zero the satisfaction what he was doing to him inside. Can’t help but notice there are only girls in the picture. Zero smiles smugly at him. I’m all the man it needs. 

Looks like your killing it. Congrats. Zero looks over at Jude. We could be killing it together. That’s why I called you here. I want you to be my agent again. Help me rake in all this cash. Jude just gives a small laugh. I know what you want. He looks directly into Zero’s eyes. It’s business Jude, unless you don’t think you can keep it just business. I’m making more money than ever. This would be huge for you. Jude just looks at him with no emotion. They should put more bronzer on you. Only so much Photoshop can do. He turns around and starts walking out. Zero looks over at him. You didn’t say no. Jude just kept on walking. I didn’t say yes either. Zero just laughs quietly. He’s not used to being turned down…and likes the fact that Jude isn’t so easily manipulated but his eyes just gaze at Jude as he walks out…trying desperately to think what his next move needs to be. 

Leaving Zero like that took every bit of strength Jude had. When he knew he was out of sight he let out a breath. His heart was pounding a mile a minute. He was proud of himself for not giving in. But He kept thinking about what if. Could he just settle for half a Zero? Jude got to his car when he saw a text from Lionel. Come to the office. Something I want to ask you. Jude drove over to the Devils stadium and pulls up. When he gets to Lionel’s office he see’s she’s not in but he was instructed to just go in and have a seat as Lionel will be right back. Jude notices a magazine with Zero on the cover…he finds himself lingering at the pictures of Zero. The title of the article was “Zero, everything your mother warned you about.” Jude shock his head at that. The illusion of Zero was on every page but Jude only was seeing Gideon. He kept thinking about what Zero offered him when Lionel walked in. She notices what Jude is looking at and sits down in front of him. 

Lionel wanted to discuss with Jude the urgency of working with Derek. They need to secure him to the Devils. Jude, not sure what it is Lionel is getting at. I don’t’ work for Derek anymore. We aren’t even friends unless die bitch is a term of endearment. Lionel laughs at that snarky comment. You wouldn’t be working for Derek you’d be working for me. For you? Jude looks up. You’d be Executive V.P. of Business Operations of the Los Angelus Devils. How does that sound? Lionel, Thank you. Jude’s mind is spinning, all the years he dreamed of standing next to Oscar. To work for the Devils…but as Jude sat there instantly he thought of Zero. There is just this other offer. Lionel raises her eyebrows…other offer? Jude looks at her. There’s this thing. Can I think about it? Sure, but tick tock. Jude just looks at Lionel and smiles. I’ll let you know by the end of the day. Lionel just smiles. Take your time Jude. You can let me know in the morning. Jude laughs. Thanks again Lionel. Let me go think about it. We’ll talk later. Jude left the arena and his mind was racing. He knew this was a once in a lifetime opportunity but part of him was struggling because working with Zero again, this was all so confusing. But in the end Jude knew what had to be done. He knew he couldn’t work with Zero again. Not because Zero couldn’t give him what he wanted but more because he knew if he did he’d give in and settle for something he knows is not healthy for him. Jude doesn’t want to be someone’s secret. He wants Zero, fuck he wants him…so bad, but he won’t settle for him. 

After the game Jude knew what had to be done. But turning Zero down a second time is harder than he thought it would be. But in the end it didn’t matter what Jude was going to say. Zero wasn’t ready to give up.


	12. I Got This

Traffic is crawling down the Foothill Freeway giving Zero to much time to think. His mind is racing ever since Glenn Thompson, one of the junior agents that represent him, told him Lucas was over at Le Petit Four, a little bistro in West Hollywood with Jude. Zero was well aware that Lucas was gay and he wasn’t happy with the idea of the two of them having dinner together regardless of the fact it was a business meeting to secure Derek to the Devils. Zero isn’t blind. He has seen the way Lucas eyes Jude up whenever he sees him. He knows that look. In the back of his mind Zero just never pictured Jude with anyone but with him and thinking of Jude with Lucas, well, it not something he wants to picture. Perhaps it’s just possessive because Zero is the only man Jude has ever been with. But it’s Jude. He can’t stop thinking about him. He hasn’t been able to move on…hasn’t been able to be Zero since Jude left him four months ago. He closes he’s eyes and he plays over and over like a skipped record their times together and beats him self up because he doesn’t have the courage to be a man and take back what is his. He is focused on getting over to that restaurant before he looses Jude forever. 

Earlier that day Jude & Lionel had a meeting with the team representing Derek Roman. It’s not particularly easy for Jude to stand opposite from individuals he worked for. Just over a year ago he was a junior agent reporting to half these people. Something Lucas seems to take pride in reminding him of. Jude looks at the list of demands feeling Lionel’s heated breath breathing down his neck. He knows the importance of this meeting with Lucas. Ever since Derek Roman won MVP his value as a player has increased and it’s imperative that the Devil’s secure him for another contract. With everything going on with Oscar Lionel has everything to loose if she doesn’t prove to the board her ability to successfully manage this team. He needs to prove to Lionel he can do it. Jude looks up after reading the list…a Las Vegas per diem? Nevada doesn’t even have a team? Lucas who has barley been able to keep his eyes off of Jude smirks to the rest of his team. From a junior agent to a power player for the Devils...wasn’t it just a year ago he was screwing up our coffee orders? This might have come off as a snarky comment to sidetrack Jude but Lionel was watching Lucas and was picking up quickly the lust in his eyes. 

Lionel positions herself firmly in front of Jude so she is between him and Lucas. I need Derek’s deal hammered out by midnight tomorrow! Looking intently into Lucas’ eyes. Well then, lets get to hammering Lucas responds. I knew it…she thought. Turning to Jude she looked at him. Jude, a minute, excuse us please. Jude opens the door and once the door is closed she turns to him. Her blue eyes were fixed squarely on Jude pursing her lips. Lucas is flirting with you. What Jude says, I don’t think so. I don’t have time to stand here and talk you through your feeling about this. He wants you. I want Derek. Jude is a rather naive man and was standing there like a deer in a headlight. What are you saying Lionel? I’m saying get back in there, hick up your skirt and get that guy what he wants. Buy him drinks. You charm him, you take it from there. Jude shakes his head looking even more confused. I don’t charm people, okay? I’m not a charmer…this is ridiculous. Lionel who is woman who always seems to get what she wants focuses intently at Jude. Her piercing blue eyes cut right through any argument Jude wants to bring up. This is Derek Romans deal. Now put on your big girl panties and figure it out. At that she brushes by him indicating this conversation is done. Leaving Jude standing there for a moment to figure it out.

By the end of the meeting Jude could feel Lionel staring at him to make his move. She knew by his lack of experience he needed a push. Lucas, how about you and Jude meet up later to iron more of the details. Lets each figure out our game plan. Why don’t you plan on Le Petit Four say 7pm tonight? She caught how this pleased Lucas. He tried to look stern but she could see the excited look in his eyes as he glanced at Jude standing there like some prize trophy he wanted to bang. Sure thing Lionel, lets met up later after we’ve review you latest offer with Derek. See you at 7 Jude. Jude gives a half nervous smirk. Ya, 7. 

Several hours later Jude is sitting there. He arrived at the restaurant early. He had spoken to Lucas on the phone and they decided to meet in the bar area instead. He thought it was a good quite location. The room had a romantic feel, with soft lighting and a beautiful view. No doubt why Lionel recommended it. How did Lionel put it… get back in there, hick up your skirt and get that guy what he wants. Buy him drinks. You charm him, you take it from there. Charm him Jude thinks as he sees Lucas strutting in like he owns the place. They reviewed more of the plan…Jude was thumbing through the pages. Derek is going to need his own private chef for away games. Jude smiles…not a problem. Jude looks at him and his voice starts to stammer. Wish we had a private chef right now so we could have dinner privately in private. Lucas looks up…what did he just say? He looks at Jude and can see the man is clearly nervous all of a sudden. Are you coming on to me? Jude clearly looking defeated looked down. Lionel said you were flirting with me. I…I told her you weren’t. Lucas gets a grin on his face, and she sent you here to seduce me to get a better deal for Derek? I…Jude started to stammer. Go Lionel Lucas retorts. Go, Jude says. Lucas grins at him. Clearly pleased at this point which is confusing Jude completely. Well I mean I always had my eye on you in the office. I just never knew you were gay. It’s kinda a new thing for me anyway Jude says. Lucas looking at him, lucky me, ha.

Lucas was sitting there with Jude when Zero was pulling up to the restaurant. I need two more things Lucas says to Jude. I need another point on Derek’s signing bonus and I want to take you out on a date. This openness totally catches Jude off guard. He has never been open about his sexuality before and to have someone like Lucas showing him attention…and wanting to be with him in public. Well, it was clearly a surprise to him. But that joy faded fast as he saw Zero in the distance walking in. Zero had been relieved for some reason when he saw they were in the bar and not having dinner. Not sure why but it felt less like a date and more like a meeting. But he could see that look of joy in Jude’s eyes and it made his stomach clench up. He walks up to Lucas. Where have you been? I’ve been calling you and you’re not answering. You are clearly not focusing on me…you do know Derek is not your only client. Trojans are blowing up the phones. Get on that before you blow my deal! Lucas realizing the night was over because of Zero politely excuses himself but not before he smiles at Jude. He could see that Jude was clearly not happy at the moment but was thinking it was because there moment was ruined not realizing it had to do with his feelings for the blond basketball player. 

We both know what you just did and why you did it. Jude sitting there looks perturbed at Zero. You won’t be with me the way I want, but you don’t want me with anyone else. Zero who was feeling rather proud for breaking this up gives him a smile. It was the first time he’s seen Jude in a couple weeks and just looking at Jude’s eyes makes his insides melt. I feel bad Jude, I got this. Zero reaches for the bill that Jude had in his hands. He lets his hands rest on Jude’s for just a second longer than he should have. Just feeling Zero’s touch after four months puts chills down Jude’s arms. It feels electric the chemistry he has for Zero and just a simple touch sets him over the edge. Jude’s mind begins to race and he doesn’t like how weak he feels at the moment. Whatever Zero. Pay the damn bill. He just looks at Zero. Lowers his head. He clearly looks hurt and it stabs Zero in the heart. Zero doesn’t like feeling like he’s hurting Jude. He loves him but how can he get Jude to see that. He just wants to hold him and tell him how much he misses him. How much he thinks about him. Not knowing that Jude is thinking the same thoughts. Jude just looks up at him with pained eyes…I gotta go Zero. It was nice seeing you he says sarcastically. Please excuse me. Jude gets out of his chair and walks away leaving Zero watching Jude walk away again. Every time Jude walks away from Zero it feels like a bit more of his heart is taken away and he is not sure how much more he can handle.

Jude gets to his car and looks down at his phone. He sees that Lucas has left a text message. Glade we were able to iron a few details out. Let me know what night works best for our date. Jude looks at this and wishes he could be excited about it but in truth what he is excited about is sitting in the restaurant and at this moment there is nothing he can do about it. The only action Jude has is to get on with his life and stop waiting for the impossible. Jude types back how does Saturday sound. You let me know the place but why don’t we do something in the afternoon.


	13. I think about you first all the time

Jude is pressed against a table deep in thought. Thinking about his conversation with his dad earlier as Zero stood there in a distance watching him for what seemed like an eternity. Zero is a calculated man. He takes risks but not before going through all the angles. Maybe I should walk up and just bring Jude a drink. No, he has one…fuck Zero, be a frickin man. You’re Zero for gosh sakes. Damn, he looks hot but he looks troubled. Guess he must have went and seen Oscar earlier at the pen. Why can’t he just leave him rott behind bars? He only cares about him because he has no option since Lionel froze him out. Because he’s sweet….and loyal that’s why. Fuck it Zero says as he approaches Jude. Jude’s the only reason I came to this damn thing…well, that and to piss Terrence & Jelena off. That’s just a fuckin bonus. 

The Devils team was at the playground for the engagement party for Terrence & Jelena. It wasn’t particularly an enjoyable event for many of the Devil girls. Lets just face it Jelena’s a bitch and how she snagged Terrence confused Jude as he stood there silently watching the Devil Girls perform a dance number. Jude was deep in thought about his dad and hadn’t even seen Zero approach. Zero pulls up from behind Jude and looks at him. Jude’s eyes were heavy in thought and when he saw Zero for a second they seemed to lighten up and then it went dim again. Hey, you must have went and seen Oscar today Zero said. Jude looked at him. How did you know I went? But before Zero could respond Jude just took a breath and just started talking. Zero just stood there listening intently. He missed listening to Jude, helping Jude…He just missed him so much. 

Jude looked at Zero with sadness. He wants a stooge and I’m not going to let him keep using me like that. I’m not going to be an after thought. Zero who normally is so guarded with his feelings looked down and then raised his eyes to meet Jude. I can’t even imagine you being an after thought. I think about you first all the time. Jude just laughed a bit to himself. His guard was down and he felt so vulnerable right now and to hear a comment like that from Zero is something he needed to hear so badly at this moment. Just to have someone care about him. He just looked at Zero. You’re the most screwed up person I’ve ever met. Zero looked at him and his eyes went down. Jude went on…and you’re the only person that makes me feel normal. Zero looked up at him. Both of there hearts were beating so hard. They both seemed to be aching for the other. Jude bit his lower lip and that was it. Zero wanted him. He takes his head and motions to the entrance and Jude responded with a node. 

They both walked silently to the entrance and Jude grabbed Zero and pushed him into the coat closet in the hallway Grabbing Jude by the neck Zero plunges himself into Jude and they began to kiss with such veracity. It was almost as if they were both starving for each other’s touch. As they stood there kissing they each were taking their pants off and trying to take their shirts off without breaking from each other’s lips. They separate just for a second to rip their shirts off and Zero pushes Jude against the wall. Jude’s hands caress Zero’s smooth taunt body resting his hands on his firm muscular ass. He grabs Zero and throws him around.

As they stood there kissing Jude began to kiss Zero’s neck. He started to lick his skin and make his way down his chest slowly encircling his nipples with his tongue, something that drives Zero wild with lust. Jude continues down biting Zero and pawing at his body as if he was an animal. He lowers himself down to his knees and feeds upon Zero’s hard manhood and encircles the head with his tongue and begins to caress his engorged member. Zero stood there with his head raised gasping almost for breath. He hasn’t been with anyone since Jude. He is so in love with Jude without even knowing it. Just to have Jude touch him, to kiss him…it’s better than any orgasm he’s ever had. As Jude knelt there submitting himself to Zero’s dick Zero grabs him and pulls him up not wanting to have this end. He throws Jude against the wall knocking down a rack of coats and continues to kiss Jude. To take control of Jude’s body. He turns Jude around and dives his face in Jude’s ass eating hungrily as if he was his last meal on death row. He works his way up Jude and spits into his hand and shoves his dick deep inside Jude feeling Jude tighten his shoulders and let out a soft moan begging for more. 

With each thrust Jude craves more…he starts to mummer Gideon, which for some reason to Zero just turns him on even more. It feels so intimate…something so private and to hear Jude call out a name he allows no one to say makes him want to give more of himself to Jude. And with one final thrust Zero cries out almost sounding like a man in agony. Though, he was in a way. He didn’t want this to end. He wanted to stay in Jude forever but he pulled out and saw the load on the wall Jude had left showing Zero just how much he enjoyed this. Jude turns around smiling. Looking at Zero with such softness…a tenderness he hasn’t seen in 4 months. 

Jude pushes Zero away realizing that they were in a coat closet and starts to laugh. We better get out of here…what about that Jude points to the wall. Zero said fuck it…leave it! Jude started to laugh and to see that light in his eyes warmed Zero’s heart. I think I’m wearing your underwear Jude says. Zero laughed. That’s fine. He bends over to pick up his shirt and looks up at Jude. I’ve missed you…Jude! He says with a smile. Jude looking at him and smiled a soft sweet smile. I’ve missed you too. Zero looked up as he was putting his shirt on. Should I leave first or should you? Jude laughs and hangs his head down as he is putting his white dress shirt on. Zero looks at him. What…what did I do? It’s not what you’ve done. It’s what I keep doing. Nothing has changed it the same old story. Zero looks confused. What are you talking about? Jude let out a gasp. I’m still you’re secret. Something you have to hide. Zero realizing quickly what is happening is starting to panic. He doesn’t want Jude to be angry. He fucked up again but doesn’t know what to say. You’re being dramatic Jude. Jude looks at him and stretches out his hands. We are literally in a closet together. Unless you have something new to offer me leave me alone. You care about me at all stay away. Zero looked at him as if someone had just punched him. He was speechless. He was desperate. He was watching Jude walk away again…this is the third time Jude has walked away. He was thinking of the restaurant…and flashes of that night in the locker room. 

Jude leaves Zero with his heart tied in knots. Thank goodness the entrance is right by the coat check and Jude hurries out. Once he is behind the wheel he lets out a heavy breath. His heart was pounding. What had he just done? Well, I know what I did….but why? Why did do it again. Damn, I just keep screwing up. He begins to think about his horrible lunch date with Lucas a couple nights ago. He can see Lucas asking him to go to the Abby later that night after Derek signs to celebrate. I sat there like an idiot. Sure, I’d love to Lucas….that would great. Noooo, I had to go off and start talking about Zero. Two public dates in one day. What an idiot. I am a total swamp creature. 

He continues driving and remembers looking at Lucas and baring his heart. I’ve never been to the that bar. Always wanted to go with my ex but well he’s not really my ex. We weren’t really together…I mean we were together but…he’s my first and only. Jude shakes his head recalling his words…what an idiot. Why did I have to go on and on but his thoughts started wandering to Zero. To how his skin tasted. How his lips felt, the softness of his skin and tightness of his body. Zero makes me feel so alive. He is everything to me. He laughs to himself at his words said earlier to Lucas. I was in love with him before I even knew what love was. When something blinds you like that…it takes a while for your eyes to adjust again. Till you can see anything else. Well that date was a bust. I’m such an idiot.

Zero meanwhile stood there in shock not knowing what to do. He buttons his shirt and goes back into the party. He needs a fucking drink. But as he was walking to the door he saw Derek in the distance. I’m not in the mood for this and turns around and leaves heading for long night of drinking at his condo.


	14. The Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this one...wasn't sure if I should have cut this into two stories but I wanted it to flow together.

It was a beautiful morning driving into the arena. Jude had to meet with some clients before there practice started so he was coming in a bit earlier than usual. As he was walking in on the south entrance he notices Lucas walking down the empty hall. Lucas looks up from his phone and see’s Jude. Lucas, hey. Jude, he responded nodding his head. Listen, um, I wanted to say sorry about our date. I know I was a buzz kill going on and on about another guy. I’m trying to be better about that. Lucas looks at Jude and gives a half smirk. So, hypothetically if we would happen to go out again I wouldn’t have to hear about Mr. Perfect? Jude starts to laugh to himself…he’s not perfect. Not by a…you wouldn’t have to hear about him. Lucas stands there smirking with his eyes narrowing in on Jude. Good, pick you up at 8. Wear something slutty. He smiles at Jude, but not the friend sorta smile, it was more lustful and gives him a wink and turns away going down the hall. 

Jude is just standing there. His heart is beating rather intensely. He was proud of himself for making this step. Ever since the last encounter with Zero in the locker room Jude knew he had to get on with his life. Zero had given Jude some information a couple nights ago that Jelena and Terrance were planning on trying to buy the team from under the Kinkade’s. He knew it was Zero’s attempt to try working his way back into Jude’s life. It was obvious Zero cared about him but that wasn’t enough…after the night in the coat closet he made himself clear and Zero needs to understand if he wants something more he has to step up. But since that isn’t going to happen Jude needs to move on. 

The day moved along rather quickly. Jude was surprisingly looking forward to tonight and he kept looking at the clock trying to be mindful of getting out of here early enough so he could go home and “wear something slutty”…I don’t’ have anything slutty he laughs to himself. That’s Zero’s department, stop that, Jude shakes his head…tonight isn’t about Zero. Don’t talk about him. He looks over at the clock and decides it time to leave. He hurry’s out of the building and walks to his car. Damn, Zero is standing there. Fuck, why? Zero is standing by a big illuminated sign with his picture on it. Terrance is out and I’m in. All over the place. You didn’t’ have to go through all this to say thanks but I’m glade you did. Jude not trying to feed into this conversation just looks at Zero and turns his eyes away and looks to the sign. It’s all Lionel. It’s all about her new media strategy. You’re a valuable member of the team. He turns to his car and tells Zero good night.

Jude continues walking toward his car and Zero is standing there. He doesn’t know what to do. Every attempt he makes to communicate with Jude lately just seems to piss him off. He is running out of ideas and his mind is going a mile a minute. He starts walking towards Jude. He can’t let him go. I’m a valuable member of the team? You’re talking to me like I’m a stranger. After everything I did for you? Zero stood there confused. He went out of his way to get Jude information that would protect his family and still Jude doesn’t seem like he cares. Turning to Zero he gives him a sad exasperated look. You either refuse to get it or you never will. Zero starts to panic. His heart is beating and seems to have lost control of all his thoughts. Desperately he cries out. I love you, all right. I, I love you stupid. Jude stood there just for a second trying to register if he heard Zero right. And looking at the pained desperate look in Zero’s eyes he knows he did. He smiles slightly and says I love you too. But even still it doesn’t matter. Love isn’t enough. I need someone I can be with…like a normal person. Someone that is able to be there for me in every way. Can you? Can you do that? No, he replied. Zero stood there. His heart was beating knowing what he just said. He’s never said I love you to anyone…he’s never allowed himself to love anyone. He stood there scared and confused and all he could say was no. And the moment he said it he regretted what he said but he didn’t have the courage to say differently. Without saying a word Jude looks down and turns away getting into his car and drives away leaving Zero standing there a fourth time. Each time harder than the last.

Jude drove home. He wasn’t angry at Zero. To hear him say I love you brought hope for just a couple seconds but when he saw that look in Zero’s eyes before he answered he knew the response. He knew Zero loved him. It was nice having it confirmed finally. Even now Jude questions if he did the right thing walking away but in the end it comes down to what’s more important. And for Jude it’s having something real. Something he can show the world and Zero can’t give that to him. But right now he is going to concentrate on his date and think about this tomorrow. 

As he was getting ready for Lucas he puts on a pair of jeans and a nice shirt. He doesn’t own anything slutty and he’s sure Lucas was just joking. But wasn’t sure…it’s not like he has any experience going on dates with men. He has lived his entire life alone and his inexperience hasn’t prepared him for this world. Lucas is an experienced gay man who’s been out for many years and Jude doesn’t want his naiveté to make him look unattractive. Lucas pulls up and Jude’s heart is beating. Hey Jude, don’t’ you look nice as Lucas scans his body. He looks up at Jude and says let’s get going…ready? Jude smiles and says sure…and he turns around to turn off the lights and walks out the door. His heart is beating and he keeps thinking don’t fuck this up. 

They sit across from each other at a lovely restaurant. They were out on the patio and candles were lit. It was very romantic. They made small talk about work at first…something just to get comfortable but as the dinner progressed they started talking. Lucas was asking questions about Jude and Oscar. He couldn’t help but be somewhat attracted to Jude’s name and with it the possibilities it could bring but he was also aware of the strange relationship he has with his father and wanted to know more about their relationship. Lucas looking at Jude with a small twinkle in his eyes. What good is it having a dad that rich if you never get to spend any of it? Jude looking over at him hesitated at first in how to respond. It wasn’t his money I was after. What I wanted he couldn’t give me. Kind of a running theme in my life. Lucas smiling at him…seems like you’re doing ok. Does it Jude responds. Good. I’m doing better but still don’t’ know what I’m doing. I don’t have family dinners. I don’t go out with friends. I don’t date. I don’t’ do anything normal people do. It can be lonely. Looking intently at Jude Lucas seems to be thinking about what to say. That’s why your wheels are always turning. You’re always strategizing how to get what you want. You’re strategizing this date right now. Jude starts to stammer a little. I don’t want to screw this up. Turn off your brain Jude. You’re doing just fine.

They continue talking and Jude tries to relax and consciously makes an effort to not think about Zero even though his mind keeps wandering to I, I love you stupid over and over in his head. Remembering that smile on his face the moment he said I love you back. But he presses on and starts to ask questions about Lucas. Where he’s from, his family and stays away from anything to intimate. He knows Lucas has been single for a long time but for some reason Jude is taken back. Lucas comes off very interested in him which makes him feel sexy. The way he keeps looking at him like he’s almost undressing him. Jude catches Lucas in a mirror looking at his ass as he walks to the restroom. It’s just so strange to see someone so open about their desires.  
Later that night Lucas drops him off at his house and Jude finds himself asking him in for a drink. His heart is beating and Lucas seems somewhat like he’s on a mission. His gaze is intense. He moves closer to Jude letting his had rest on his leg as he begins to caress him. So Jude, should we take this into the bedroom? Jude becomes nervous. He’s never been with anyone but Zero. He shakes his head and says ya, um, let me get some wine. Lucas smirks at him and stands up and watches Jude as he walks to the kitchen. He is thinking to himself how many things he wants to do to Jude. He’s waited a long time for this and he knows he can’t endure another date but damn if he wasn’t going to have some of that. Lucas walks over the Jude and begins to kiss him on his neck and for the first time in the entire evening Jude is focusing completely on Lucas. With each caress and kiss Jude is drawn into a momentary escape from his reality. Sex with Lucas wasn’t as passionate as it is with Zero and in truth Jude didn’t enjoy it as much. It felt good but there wasn’t the chemistry and certainly the body was different. But it was nice being with someone. Jude curls into Lucas and feels his arm wrap around him. But when the lights were turned off that’s when he saw Zero again. Remember his smell, the way he felt next to him. The way he’d fall asleep sometimes with Zero kissing him softly. 

Jude wakes up to hear Lucas in the bathroom. He was taking a shower. He just lays in bed for a moment and sits up when he hears the water stop he comes out after a few minutes. So no spare toothbrush Lucas says as he walks out of the bathroom buttoning his shirt. Sheepishly Jude looks up at him. You’re my 2nd guest ever. Boldly he goes on. Hey, I want to see you again. Meet me after the game later, courtside? Is that cool? It’s a date Lucas reply’s. But what Jude seems oblivious too is the unenthusiastic reply from Lucas. To an experience gay man, they would have caught on to the lack of enthusiasm, but to Jude it was confirmation he did a better job on this date. 

Lucas gave no more thought to Jude other than trying to avoid him at the game. He knew where Jude was and stayed clear of that area. He was there supporting Derek and Zero but as the end of the first half the team was ahead and Lucas needed to get out of here. As he was walking around the corner he spots Zero. Zero looking at him…you’re not going to stay for the 2nd half? What kind of agent are you? Lucas seems somewhat in a hurry. I need to disappear. I’m supposed to meet Jude courtside after the game and that’s not going to happen. Zero looks up at him hesitantly. This seems a bit more personal than professional. With a half smirk like and a slight twinkle in his eye he looked at Zero. I had sex with Jude last night. Zero’s heart tightened up and he felt his body stiffen. He had been replaying last night in his head with Jude over and over all night. He kept replaying the hurt look on Jude’s face when he said no. And now hearing this all Zero can do is clench his first and give a false smile. Oh ya?

Lucas looks at Zero almost proudly. He’s hot. And the body he’s hiding under that suit. I’ve been dying to hit that for a year. Zero stands there with a fake smile. Lucas goes on not seeing the pained look in Zero’s eyes. But he is so needy and neurotic. Oscar wrecked him for life. He’s totally updatable. But Jude’s used to disappointment. He’ll be fine. Catch you later. Zero stood there. He wanted to hit Lucas so bad. But he sat there realizing this was more his fault then anyone’s. His mind was racing. Jude was moving on and Zero wasn’t ready for that. He started to panic feeling his heart tight. How many times he’s done what Lucas did to someone else but this is Jude. Jude isn’t updatable. He’s the one that pushed Jude away. And now Lucas took what is a gift and just spit on it and threw it to the curb. Used him as some fucking trophy to get off in. As he sat there reeling in thought he heard the warning sound to get back into the court. Zero would have to deal with this later.

Zero put everything he had into that 2nd half. His friend Steve Deigle, a Point Guard for the Devil’s looked at him. Bud, what’s gotten into you? You played like a fricken demon. Zero just laughed. Don’t know man. Just was burning off some energy. He looked over and in the distance he saw Jude walking onto the court. Hey man, I gotta catch you later. Great game. Let’s do a beer tomorrow after practice Steve says. Zero didn’t even respond his mind was clearly distracted as he walked towards Jude. Steve stood there watching Zero walking toward Jude. As Zero approached Jude he looks over and turns his gaze back to the court. Jude staring off into the distance tries to brush Zero off. Can’t talk now. I’m meeting someone. Zero can see that look in Jude’s eyes and knows the pain he will feel when he knows Lucas blew him off…and just played him so he could get in his pants. Lucas isn’t coming Zero responds. Jude looks towards him. Why not? Zero became overwhelmed with the pain Jude would feel and his mind went blank. All he could think about is not letting Jude get away. When he looked into those brown eyes every thought just became foggy. He was just focused on not letting someone else hurt him the way he had hurt him earlier…the way he let Lucas hurt him. Zero looks at Jude and responds cause I told him not too. 

With that Zero walked closer to Jude. His eyes were wide. Zero stood there and without thinking pulls Jude into him and begins to kiss him. The enter stadium took notice of it within seconds and every camera turned to them. The stadium camera focused on them and put them up on the big screen. Everyone in the audience began cheering and one by one the players and reporters turn to notice what was going on. For the first second Jude stood there in shock and he was stiff but he let his body melt into Zero’s arms and he raised his hands to caress Zero’s face. He couldn’t’ believe this was happening. He barley ever allowed himself the opportunity to fantasize about this, but even in his thoughts it was never like this. 

In front of thousands of people and cameras flashing everywhere Zero was proclaiming his love for Jude. Jude’s mind was completely going everywhere and Zero’s was focused solely on Jude. They kissed passionately what seemed like hours but in all actuality it was a couple minutes. Zero pulls back and looks at Jude. He sees the stunned look on Jude’s face and begins to laugh. Jude just stood there. You’re really stupid you know that he says with a smirk. And Zero breaks in a wide smile. Jude looks at him and says I love you Gideon. And beaming back Gideon says I love you too.


	15. After The Kiss

Lucas isn’t coming Zero responds to Jude. Jude turns to him with a disappointed bewildered look. Why not? Zero looked into his eyes. The way Jude seems to be able to pierce right into his heart makes Zero feel so vulnerable. Without hesitation Zero just blurts out because I told him not too. Jude stood there just for one second and the look of utter disappointment showed on his face. Zero approached him and put his hand up around Jude’s cheek and pulled him in for a kiss. 

Jude stood there stunned. His body at first stiff but melted into Zero’s arms and raised his hands to Zero’s face and held him close as they continued to kiss. Zero’s focus was clearly on Jude’s touch, the smell of his hair…the closeness of his body. Jude however was stunned and Zero could feel the smile on Jude’s face as he continued to kiss him. By this point all the cameras were on them. Their faces were on every flat screen in the arena and news broadcasters were running up to them. The audience was screaming and whistling and the eyes of all their teammates were focused on them. But just for a couple minutes it didn’t matter. Zero got the guy. 

They broke apart and Jude was still beaming…Zero’s eyes were shining with a huge smile on his face. You’re totally insane you know that? Zero stood there with a big grin. Looking at him Jude said I love you…and Zero could feel his insides wanted to explode seeing that smile and hearing those words. I love you too is all he said. Looking at Jude he nudged his head towards the locker-room entrance. Think we need to get out of here. At that moment Jude could hear Lionel taking charge of the situation pushing the cameras back. Come on boys…she was screaming over the crowd. She had a funny grin on her face as she was looking at the both of them. 

They were heading down the corridor. Zero was in front of Jude pushing people aside for him. Lionel was next to Jude. So this is who you’ve been in a twist over the entire time? Ya! Jude turns his gaze back to Zero’s back as they are moving forward. Daddy issues much? Jude wasn’t even listening to her at this point. He was just thinking about what Zero just did. They are open now…everyone knows. Zero just professed to the entire world he loves him, that he’s Zero’s. His head is just spinning and the people around them are yelling for an interview. Pete runs out from the side hall. Zero, Jude…we have a car waiting for you at the loading dock. Lionel yells back over the crowd. Go, I’ll hold the cameras down, go go. 

They run down the hall and the door opens and Pete tells them to take the black SUV with tinted windows that was waiting for them. Jude takes the keys and jumps into the driver’s side and once Zero shuts his door they bolt out of the west entrance. Jude decides to take them back to his place since all the reporters know where Zero place is. They head down the interstate and it seems that no one is following them. The guys sit in silence at first. Zero takes his hand and places it on top of Jude’s. They both have a sheepish grin on their face like two love struck kids and neither knows what to say. 

Zero’s phone starts dinging and sees that text messages are coming in. Before he turns his phone off he did let Pete & Lionel both know they are ok and they got out heading towards Jude’s place. He also smirked when he read his buddy Steve’s note…just so you know I’ve been aware of this for quite some time. Glade you got some balls. He ended the text with a little devil emoji face. Zero started laughing and read the text to Jude who just smiled feeling Zero tighten his grip on his hand. 

As they barreled down the road Jude broke the silence and said I can’t believe you just did that. He turned looking at Zero who just kept starring at him with this shitty grin on his face. Well, you wanted to be open. Did I do good? Ya, you did good Jude said smiling. You are crazy…I, I’ve missed you so much. Zero looked at him with a loving gaze. I’ve missed you too, Jude. Without thinking Jude looked at him and said why? Why tonight? And what did you mean you told Lucas not to come…how did you know I was going to meet Lucas? With that Zero turned his gaze toward the window pulling his hand away from Jude’s. Jude grabbed his hand looking at him for just a second before he turned his attention back to the road. Hey, Zero…he softens his voice, Gideon. What is it? What did Lucas tell you? Suddenly Jude could feel his chest tighten. He had completely forgotten about last night. That after Zero had professed his love to him he went and slept with Lucas. 

Zero just kept his gaze focused on the road in front of them. He told me. Zero turning to look at Jude for second. Jude kept his gaze forward, Oh, he said sheepishly. I’m sorry, Zero…I was just hurt when you said. Zero cut him off. No, you don’t need to apologize for anything. I’m the one that needs to apologize. I’m the one fucked up. You did nothing wrong Jude. I don’t even know what you see in me. It’s just when I heard Lucas. When he started talking about. Zero couldn’t even say it. He couldn’t even finish his sentences. Jude could hear the pain in his voice. Taking Zero’s hand and intertwining his fingers in his he squeezed Zero’s hand. Zero went on. You’re not just a fuck Jude. Jude kept his eyes forward as they went down the interstate. They break their hands as Jude needed to get off the interstate. They were almost to his place. 

Why did he tell you? Zero looked at him. Cause he’s a dick that’s why. Caught him leaving after the second half. He wasn’t going to meet you. Started telling me about you both. The way he talked about you like you were some prize. It made me so…he stopped before finishing that sentence. I don’t know…just realized I could lose you. I can’t be without you Jude. I don’t know how to do this…to date. I don’t want to fuck this up but after what he said I just, I don’t know something snapped in me. Jude pulled over onto the side street. He looked at Zero. It’s ok. If he had met me this wouldn’t have happen. Jude took his hand and pointed at him and Zero. This, this is all that matters to me. It’s all that has ever mattered to me. You are all that matters to me…you get that. I’m not in love with Zero. At that Zero looks into Jude’s eyes and almost looks like a little boy. Vulnerable and lost. Zero starts to panic. Jude goes on. I’m not in love with Zero…I’m in love with Gideon. You…I’m in love with you. 

Zero looks at Jude and his face just seems to light up and his smile is almost blinding to Jude. He was a dumbass is all I can say. I was…am a dumbass. I almost lost you Jude. No one…no one has ever meant anything to me. I never wanted anyone close to me and then you came. Jude looked into his eyes and smiled and Zero could feel his heart tightening up. I’m sorry I was so scared. I am scared. Jude reached over and kissed Zero and put his forehead against his….I am too. But we are a team. We can do this. I’m still and always will be Team Zero. He started to laugh. That makes me Team Jude then. Jude started to laugh. Well tonight is all full of surprises. Didn’t know I had a fan club. Zero looked at him with a smile. I’m the fucking president. It’s a very exclusive club. No one is admitted. Jude just kissed him. I love you stupid. Let’s get home. I think you deserve a reward. Zero looked straight ahead…damn right I do. Let’s get going….I gotta get into that sweet ass. You’re such a romantic Gideon. With that Jude drove home. They got there about 15 minutes before the reporters arrived but by that time our guys were already naked in bed and didn’t give a flying fuck about what was going on out there.


	16. Team Jude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the Venice Beach game

Steve doesn’t even wait for Zero to answer his door…he knocked and let himself into Zero’s. Hey looser you ready? Zero comes out of his bedroom wearing just a pair of Devil red shorts holding a muscle t in his hand. Steve crashes on Zero’s chair with his leg over the arm. Looking up he smiles at Zero. Zero just looks at him…what? You know what looser Steve responds. It’s about fucking time. I was starting to get bored watching you run around with Jude…you were so discreet about it. Steve just chuckles. Though, what happened? For the past few months you two weren’t hanging out and were acting like your dog was just ran over and then a couple nights ago you’re making out with him on the jumbotron. Have to give it to you man…you know how to come out of the closet. Though, it was pathetic just watching you mope around for the last couple months. Fuck you Diegle, Zero responded. Zero looks at him with a shitty grin on his face. I wasn’t moping. Steve looks over at him….you were fuckin moping. It was almost as painful as watching Kincade with that sad puppy dog look in his eyes. That sorta stung Zero a bit…knowing he caused that kind of sadness for Jude. Zero was walking past Steve and smacked his head with his shirt. Shut-up, we better get to that game.

Can I ask you something man? Zero looks over at him…sure what. On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot am I? He has a smirk on his face as he looks at Zero who is obviously caught off guard with this. Shut-up….Zero says laughing. No come-on dude, how hot am I? I’m pretty hot….just wanna know how do I compare to Hernandez…I gotta be hotter than Roman. Give me that one at least. Zero looking over at him….we are so not having this conversation. I’m not gay. I just happen to like Jude OK! Sure, not gay Steve responds….so have you shoved your dick up his ass? Cause if you have….you sure ain’t straight. Fine, you’re a fucking 8. An 8 Steve says jumping up. Come on man, look at this ass. Zero looked at him with an exacerbated look…you do not tell anyone we are having this conversation….ok, you’re hot. You have a great ass. It’s a big fucking fat ass. But lets make this clear….you have NOTHING on Jude. Now there’s a piece of art. He has an ass…fuck I could eat that hole all day long. Steve looked at him….ok, this conversation is done. I do not need to know what deprave things your tongue has done. Now I’m going to picture that all day. Thanks! Zero smiling at him. Don’t mention it asshole. Bring it up again and I’ll tell you what his jizz taste like or about what we did in the fucking shower last night. Maybe where I put a hickey on him. 

Zero walks towards the door. Anyway…we better get going. Thanks for picking me up. Thanks for being cool with all this. I really appreciate it man. With everything going on it’s nice just having you have my back. Any way going to go back with Jude after the game and didn’t want to bring two cars. With all the reporters on our ass it is easier just staying together. Don’t mention it Steve says. And Zero, I’m happy for you. Jude’s a great guy and I’ve noticed the effect he has on you when you’re together. You seem, I don’t know….like a real boy when you’re around him. Fuck you Diegle, as he hits his head. I am a real boy. Wanna see as he grabs his crotch. Um, no thanks…seen it. Not impressed. At that Steve runs out of the condo and Zero is laughing behind him as he locks up. Though, don’t know man what Kincade sees in you. Think he’d be looking at Terrance…now there’s a fucking beast. 

They are headed to an outdoor court for a charity benefit, retired Devils against the team. As they pull up to the court in Venice Beach Zero see’s the reporters swarming in the distance. Thankfully they have it blocked off so the reporters can’t come over to where the guys are getting ready. Zero was letting his mind wander to the conversation Jude and he had yesterday morning. He can still see that smile on Jude’s face…when he smiles it’s like everything in Zero’s universe seems to be aligned right. But the media has been nonstop. The KISS has been on the loop now for the past couple days. Every move he’s ever made was planned out. But as he gets out of the car he sees Jude in the distance. Jude’s eyes were already glued onto Zero even before he saw him. They just smile at each other and nod their heads. This kiss wasn’t planned but he’s glade he did it. They must have had a goofy smile on each other’s face. Steve turns to Zero and said don’t look but the Ice Queen is staring at you with those death ray eyes. She looks pissed as hell. You two took the attention away from her and Terrance. Zero turns to Steve. Well, that just made doing this all the sweeter now doesn’t it. If that’s what it takes to get under her skin I would have suggested a fucking sex tape with Jude. Looking up at Steve he went on. But then I’d have to fucking kill you cause no one is gonna see how hot he looks in bed. Zero stood there with a smirk on his face licking his lip. Fuck, Zero…you got it bad dude. You are so P wiped. Jealous, Zero asks? Hell ya… I mean just so we are clear. My P is a pussy….but what gets you going man. But ya, I’m slightly jealous. Zero just stands there looking back at Jude who hasn’t taken his eyes off of him. He thinks to himself I fucking don’t deserve him. He just smiles and turns his attention to Pete.

The game went well and the retired players put on a pretty good show but it’s hard to put a 50 year old player up against a man in his prime but still the game was a lot closer then what Zero thought it was going to be. The cameras were flashing and the benefit went well. Zero catches Jude off in the distance. Taking his shirt off Zero can’t help but want to put on a little show for his man. He likes the way Jude always looks like a deer in a head light when he see’s Zero’s chest. Venice grit looks good on you Jude say’s. His smile was beaming. He looks down almost as if he was a bit shy being caught looking at Zero. Zero looks up at Jude and suddenly they are swarmed with reporters. Zero what’s it like being the first out starter in world history. When did you hook-up with your boss’s son? Is he your boyfriend? Are you making a statement? Zero panics suddenly. He isn’t prepared for this. Zero can handle a scandal but what he has with Jude is something so intimate and he seems caught off guard exposing himself so openly, especially when all this is so new to him. 

You want a statement? Grabbing the woman’s microphone he drops it on the ground. That’s my statement. He turns. Briefly looking at Jude he lowers his head and walks to the car. Jude is left there with the camera’s being flung into his face. Thankfully Pete was close by. Hey, that’s enough. Statements will be made later…get away. Jude looks over at Pete. He was confused. It’s not like him and Pete have had a good relationship in the past but he softly mouths thank you as he turns to go find Zero. Jude walks over to the car and see’s Zero leaning against the Porsche. Zero doesn’t even look at Jude. His head is down. Sorry, I left you. Just fuck, they won’t leave us alone. If you were a Devil girl they’d barley have a microphone in our face. Jude takes his arms and raps them around Zero’s waste. Hey, look at me. Grabbing Zero’s chin he pushes up. Look at me… it’s ok. Have a surprise for you. Know you’ve been a bit tense lately. Made a massage appointment for us. Thought we could work those muscles and if you are up for it grab something to eat. Zero looks up at him with a soft smile. Jude looks up at him. Get in the car. Sure thing boss-man Zero says. 

The guys are laying next to each other with two therapists working on each. This is nice…right? Away from the crowds a little relaxation time. Jude turns to Zero with a half smile. Zero keeping his head forward doesn’t even look over. Do these come with a bottle of jack? The therapist that was working Jude gave a half chuckle. I told my publicist I’d do any interview as long as we only talk about ball. You know how many requests I got? Zero! Jude turning again to Zero, you’re a starter with 2 rings. You kiss a guy in front of everyone. Suddenly the woman who had been working Zero pulled his towel back and has his ass exposed and for some stupid reason she takes out her phone and snaps a pic not thinking it would make a sound. Zero jumps from the bed. His blood was racing. He was so tired. He had no privacy. He couldn’t go anywhere and even now. You know what, I regret it. Zero grabs his towel wraps it around his waste and storms out. Leaving Jude there. Jude sat up from the table and took a breath. His eyes went cold and he looked up at the woman. I will be having a talk with your manager. And just so we are clear. Zero’s not paying for your phone. You’ll be lucky if we don’t press charges against this place. He got up and walked out. But by the time he got to the changing room he noticed Zero was already in the car. 

You want to get anything to eat? I’m starving. Jude gives a half smile and places his hand on Zero’s. Zero pulls away and said do you mind…can we just go back to my place right now. I need to change my cloths. When they get there reporters were already lining up outside the entrance. When they see Jude pulling up the lights were flashing and Jude kept trying to move his car slowly forward to make his way through the gate. The security guards at the entrance kept the reporters at bay. When they pulled up Zero got out of his car. He just looked at Jude. I need just a little of bit of time to calm down. That ok? Jude said sure as he watched Zero turn his back and walk into the building. Jude’s mind was going in overdrive. He was starting to panic, thinking all this is just going to fast for Zero. He never realized what Zero really did for him until now. He’s beginning to feel like a spoiled demanding brat, but as he sits there for a few moments with his hands on the steering wheel he just reviews what he could do. They have come to far…and be damn if these reporters were going to ruin the only thing good that has ever really happened to him. 

Jude walks up into Zero’s penthouse and finds Zero is already in the bathroom. He could hear the tub filling up and figured Zero just need a little time to unwind. Jude goes into the kitchen to see what he could scrounge up for them to eat. After about 30 minutes Jude sheepishly walks into Zero’s bathroom to find him sitting in his oversized tub. His hands are in his pockets and he’s looking down. He has been going over and over everything in his head and he is starting to feel insecure about what happened. I know you’re pissed. Jude says raising his eyes slowly to meet Zero’s. I don’t blame you. You done this amazing thing for me and I never thought how it would affect you too. I get why you regret being with me. Zero wasn’t looking at Jude but he could feel his boyfriend’s eyes fixed on him. I don’t regret being with you. I regret letting everyone else in on it. I liked it when it was just us! I don’t like loosing that. Jude hearing these words feels his insides untighten. A small smile forms on his face and just hearing Zero is still with him. It just gives him hope. You haven’t. Everything we are going through is going to make more of us…not less. We are still in this together. It’s still just you and me.

Zero listening to Jude just starts to realize who cares about what is going on. Here is this amazing person who loves him. He has his Jude back and this sucks but just hearing Jude say they are a team. The cocky Zero reappears and a smile breaks out on his face. For two people who are supposed to be in it together I sure am alone in this tub. Jude smiles at this. He begins to unbutton his shirt not needing to hear another invitation to get in that tub with his boyfriend. I don’t know if you’re noticed but all the attention is on you. Not a peep about Derek Roman. Zero looks up with a big smile. Really? Jude seeing how this is making Zero a bit happier goes on. There are literally dozens of reporters waiting for us to get out of the bath. Zero reaches for his iPhone and proceeds to put his arms around his man. This one’s for Instragram. Now you’re just goading them. Zero just smiles. Yes, Yes I am. Jude looks over at him. We ok? Zero looks him with loving eyes. I’m sorry I over reacted earlier. I’m not sorry about the kiss. I’m sorry I didn’t do it sooner. You deserve better than this Jude. I just want to be able to show you off to the world so they can see how beautiful you are. Jude puts his head down but a huge smile is on his face and his cheeks are flushed with embarrassment. He looks over at Zero. Just we are clear they aren’t going to see everything that is beautiful about me right? Zero catches the flirtatious undertone in Jude’s voice. Hell fuck’n no. Told you two nights ago I’m Team Jude. And ain’t no one joining that club. I’m not the sharing type. Jude kisses him on the cheek. Good, neither am I!


	17. The Article

Seriously, garbage is all over the driveway. Jude storms in muttering under his breath. Zero is lounging on the sofa with his legs stretched out watching a baseball game. What’s got you all wound up Zero asks. Jude looks at him with a huff. They were going through all our garbage. Who, Zero says. The damn reporters! I don’t know what they expect to find. Apparently what we order for take-out must be headline news. Zero give a small chuckle, well what did you think it was going to be like. Jude looks at him and gives a small smirk. Well, I had hoped it wouldn’t be like this…but what should I have expected dating the sexiest Devil. Zero looks at him with a wide smile. Sexiest eh? Jude rolls his eyes…well, next to Derek. At that Zero grabs his pillow and throws it at him. Hitting him right in the head. Serves you right. Jude started laughing. Oh you are gonna pay for that pretty boy…and jumps on top of him falling into Zero’s arms. Zero pulls him down and starts to kiss him around his neck. 

Zero slides his arms tightly around Jude’s waste pulling him down so the blond man is on top of him looking into his eyes. Jude smiles and just says we do need to do something about all the reporters. Zero looks at him and says nothing. Jude goes on. It’s been a week and a half….since you outed me. He started to laugh as Zero looked at him with wide eyes. Oh, I outed you did I. Well, you didn’t give me an option. Couldn’t let someone else get you. Jude started to giggle as Zero nestles his scruff against his neck. Jude pulling away from Zero looks at him with so much affection Zero's insides tighten up. I have an idea I’ve been thinking about. We need to address you know…you coming out and all. I don’t think a sports magazine or some sports channel is the right avenue. This needs to be handled a bit differently. Zero looks at him. What did you have in mind? Funny you should ask, Jude chuckled. Now hear me out first ok. Ok, shoot pretty boy. 

Well, Jude continues, I’ve been in touch with the editor, well, they got in touch with me. I’ve been talking with Out magazine. Zero looks at him. That’s a gay men’s magazine isn’t it? Jude looks at him, yup. Well, anyway, the editor had an interesting idea. They wanted to do an interview in their magazine and to make this into something bigger we would throw a party that the magazine would cosponsor. Everything would be run through us. It would totally be what we want it to be but I think doing this article would give us a chance to control the message we want to say. Zero looks at him and has a smile on his face. He seems to like the idea by the look in his eye. Give us a chance to control the message…Zero says. Ya, um, well, they want to interview both of us and then do a series of pictures. Zero at this moment jumped up with his smile beaming from ear to ear. They want to do a series of pictures and an article interviewing you and me…together? Jude looks at him and lowers his head. The excitement wasn’t on his end. Ya, they think it would help the people relate to us as a couple and not just as another publicity stunt. 

Oh, I’m so in…Zero says with a smile on his face. This is a great idea. What kind of article would it be? Oh, Jude says, we would be going over all the questions with them. They want to support us. Regardless whatever your motives were for kissing me we have a community of men and women that are looking at us so it’s just as important to them as it is to us the right message is sent. You do know what they have started calling us online? Zude! Zero started laughing. I love it…we have a couples name. Has a nice ring to it. Well, I’m surprised you are taking it this well Jude says. I wasn’t sure how you would react. Zero leaned in and pulled Jude closer. Listen, Jude, we are in this together. You said that to me. I’m holding you to that promise. I will do anything as long as you are next to me…ok? A small tear is running down Jude’s cheek. He looks into Zero’s eyes and just smiles.

A few days have past and Jude had been in contact with the editor over at the magazine. He’s also been working with the party planner they had set-up to help with the arrangements. Though, Jude was a bit taken back when he saw the proposed photo request from the magazine. Oh, I don’t know about this Jude says after reading the email to Zero. He just sits there beaming. Come on Jude…it’s a great idea! Zero, I’m not a professional athlete. Look at you. You’re perfect. Zero just smiles at his boyfriend. You have no idea how hot and sexy you are, do you? Jude, the pics will be hot. You’re hot. You know what they are going to say when they see you all shirtless oiled up next to me…damn, now I get why he came out for that man. Jude just started to blush which only intensified the look of lust in Zero’s eyes. Oh, and you’re gonna wear the underwear from my line. I can get free advertisement too. Jude just rolls his eyes…we’ll see. 

The day finally comes for the article. Jude was up half the night while Zero just laid there sprawled out like some Greek god naked in his bed. He kept looking at the muscles, the divots on his stomach...the powerful build of his chest. The curves…that perfect face. He was so nervous about this article. Zero laid next to him and for some reason must have sensed Jude’s anxiety. He wrapped his arm around Jude and pulled him tightly next to him. He planted a small kiss on his head and just whispered the word mine in Jude’s ear. At that Jude smiled and finally drifted to sleep. When Jude finally wakes up he notices Zero isn’t in bed. He gets out of bed and finds Zero in the kitchen making some scrambled egg whites and turkey sausage for them. He can smell the fresh coffee. Zero turns and looks at him. Coffee’s made go have a seat. Zero brings a plate to Jude. We have the article at 9 this morning. They said to give us 3 hours. We are going to hit the gym after that for a quick lift before we do the photo-shoot. I had spoken to the photographer and they thought we’d do a few pics in the gym. Something like us working out and maybe a couple shower pics. Jude just sat there frozen. If they were straight they’d be having some nice picture of the two of them on a hill with flowers…but a gay magazine, well, shirtless and oiled up sells magazines. Specially when your boyfriend has 2 champion rings and is the MVP. 

The car arrives to take them to the hotel the writer will be staying at. Sitting in a small conference room waiting for the reporter to come in. Jude has never given more then a line or two sound bite for a sports magazine…he’s never been interviewed. Zero takes his hand, you’ll be fine babe. I got this. Your man is a pro at this stuff and just smiles at Jude. “Zude” is sitting together at a small table. Jude is taping his hand on the table, which makes Zero smirk. An extremely attractive man walks in carrying some note pads and a small tape recorder. He stands about 5’8, 145lbs…lean build with long blond hair pulled into a ponytail. He looks to be around 24 but with gay men you can never tell…they take care of themselves and this man has obviously spent time in the gym. He looks over at the two of them and extends his hand. It’s such a pleasure to meet you both. You have no idea what a thrill this is. This is going to be huge. Douglas sits down. He seems relaxed and at ease. Gay celebrities seem most often to be either forced to come out of the closet or are in need of jumpstarting there dead careers. I can’t think of many men that just came out because they are in love. This is going to be such an important story for our young readers. You two have made quite the impact already….Zude! He says Zude with a smirk on his face. Already have a celebrity couples name. How LA. 

Zero immediately likes this man. He likes the fact they seem to be upfront with each other and he doesn’t seem to want to get some dirt on either of them. We made it clear from the beginning we won’t be talking about Oscar any more than to say who Jude’s sperm donor was and the fact his family owns the Devils. So, Douglas looks at Jude and smiles. Zero has taken notice of the way he seems to look at Jude and he smirks to himself. So, the two of you have known each other for sometime. Jude spoke first. Yes, we’ve been with each other since Ohio. Been with each other? You were dating before you moved to LA? No, um not at all. Zero stepped in. What Jude was trying to say is we’ve been friends since Ohio. When I moved from Ohio to LA he was representing me. We didn’t start to date until after we both moved to LA. We actually started dating perhaps a month or two….Zero looks at Jude, ya, it was 2 months after we moved here. 

So Zero we need to let the readers know that you’re bisexual correct? When did you start to notice men? Zero gave his classic smile that charms everyone. Well, I’d like to say I knew I was bisexual when I first met Jude, but in truth I’ve always been attracted to men and women. I’ve been sexually active with men prior to Jude. So Douglas goes on. You dated a Devil Girl before Jude, what was her name? Jelena Howard Jude says with a smirk on his face. Yes, Jelena, she’s the captain of the Devil Girls right? Zero looks at the writer. Can we be frank. Jelena’s a great woman…and amazing dancer but all we had was just a publicity stunt. Neither of us were into the other. I wish her nothing but the best with Terrence. Zero the entire time was laughing in his head but one thing he has learned is how to play the game right. Though it would have been a funny spin to say she turned him gay. So Douglas goes on…what you two have, that’s real? Zero looks at Douglas. I don’t have to defend myself to you or anyone. The only one I have to prove myself too is Jude. Jude looks over at him and smiles. I don’t see what he see’s in me Zero goes on. Jude is the most loyal, caring, beautiful…he’s just my everything. Douglas looked at Zero and gave him a smile. You’re lucky, the both of you are. To have something real, especially being celebrities. 

So why the game? Why the kiss? There could have been other ways to do this. Zero looked at him. For some reason his confident attitude slipped. He looked at the writer and had this blank look. He wasn’t sure how to approach this. Jude grabbed Zero’s hand. He did it for me. Looking over at Jude…he did it for you? What do you mean? Jude looked at Zero. Zero and I started off as friends. But as time went on I, we, started developing feelings for each other. Zero was in a tough place. To put your career online even if you are in LA it’s taking a risk. But I needed more. I needed to be with a man that would be proud of what we have. And it was hard for Zero. We almost didn’t make it. Douglas was looking down at his pad. So what changed your mind Zero? Zero smirked…look at him! I didn’t have a choice. I’m whipped. Scratch that…doesn’t sound right. Lets just say I’m in love with Jude and I couldn’t imagine a life without taking the chance. 

The interview went on for around a couple hours. And in the end all three men thought it went well. Well, I need to get this one to the gym. He’s got a photo-shoot to do. The writer looked over at Jude and winked…oh, you’ll do fine. I hear it’s going to be a very sexy. He quite attractive Zero. Zero just looks at him with a bold smile. Yup, sure is. Jude not knowing how to react to this just starts to blush looking down unable to meeting anyone eyes. Well, I still haven’t made up my mind what kinda pics we’ll be doing Douglas Jude says. When you have this laying next to you it’s enough to make anyone a bit self aware. Douglas just looked at him….I don’t know Jude, don't under estimate your appeal. You got this after all...how many men already hate you because of that. At that he said thank you and led them to a car that was waiting for them. Good luck, I’ll be seeing you both at the party. They are doing pictures at the party also right? Yes, Zero says. It gonna be a great party…you have to come. Thanks again Douglas, it’s been a pleasure working with you. Best of luck guys…you two make a cute couple.


	18. Proud to be Out

Jude, this is unbelievable. Zero stood there grinning shaking his head in amazement. This is perfect. Jude kept his right arm around Zero and was pointing out the layout of the room. I have 2 bars set-up and another one in the back area. I also set-up a couple lounge chairs back there for more quite conversations. And throughout the main space I’ve put cages in all the four corners and we will have go-go dancers. I was going to alternate woman and men to celebrate your bisexuality...at that Jude taped Zero’s ass and chuckled. Over here, see in those corners flat screens are going to be illuminated with pictures of you and the pictures from the photo-shoot we took. I still wished you had let me review them with you Jude said with hesitation in his voice. You look fuckin amazing in them Jude. Trust me. I got this one. 

This, this room is incredible Zero kept gushing. Jude gave a half smile and had a twinkle in his eyes that melted Zero in half. What was it about this man that all he has to do is look at him and he feels like he’s helpless? Lionel was a really big help with the guest list Jude went on. Yes, before you ask all the Devil players have been invited. Zero rolled his eyes. To make it even more fun for you I asked Jelena to perform a special number. Zero started coughing. Um, you are going to check for anything sharp I hope. Jude started to laugh. Ahsha actually helped me put together a great dance. I originally wanted something burlesque but she had this great idea of something Victor Victoria like…we will have half the girls dress as men. Again, a tribute to all things Zero. Zero stood there just beaming. I can’t believe how you got me. Well, I am your boyfriend Jude said with a slight smile on his face. If I don’t know you then what kinda boyfriend would I be. Zero wrapped himself around Jude pulling him close. Either way you’d be the perfect boyfriend. 

Zero pulled Jude into him and maneuvered him against one of the cages thrusting his hip up against him tightly. Jude grasped the bars with his hands as Zero slid his hands gently down his side and brushing his lips against Jude’s neck as he slowing began to drag his teeth along the neck. He pulls back and leans into Jude brushing his lips against his and slowing with great seduction begins to kiss. Jude pushed Zero aside. No, no…we don’t have time for this. Come on baby, Zero said lowering his eyes. It’s my special day. Well, I like to think of it as our special day. So don’t mind me if I want everything perfect. And as I was saying Lionel was a huge help. We have so many celebrities and even got our senator. I’m sure he just wants to use this as a way to show his support for the community but either way it brings a certain class to this. Zero looked at him, still with those puppy dog eyes. He turns and gives a slight mischievous grin. Who would have thought I would have a classy coming out party. Jude looked at him with a smug smile as he pushed Zero away and started to walk away. That was before you had me in your life. They say I tamed the beast. Zero busted out laughing as he followed after Jude. Yup, Diegle says I’m P whipped. At that Jude turned around and laughed. I like the sound of that. Fun knowing you’re my property. Maybe I should tattoo my name on that ass! At that Jude started aggressively walking to the door with a beaming smile knowing full well Zero's right behind him to remind him who’s the top in this relationship. But no way in hell was Zero going to be tattooed on his ass!

They had just enough time to stop off and pick something quick up at Chipotle and get ready. The limo would be here in 2 hours. Jude wanted to get there early to make sure everything was set-up. He told Zero he didn’t have to come that early but Zero insisted they do this together and wouldn’t hear of Jude going ahead of him. After all he did this for Jude. Least he could do is be some help. All of this is a bit overwhelming for Zero. Only a couple weeks ago he was miserable and alone. He was lost and now everything just seems so clear. It all feels overwhelming. They get ready and Jude is helping Zero with his tie. Zero just looks at Jude and it’s one of those few moments the smile isn’t there and it’s like Zero is completely letting himself be vulnerable. He looks into Jude’s brown eyes. I just wanted to say, um, thanks for tonight. Just it’s all so, I don’t know, I’ve never had anyone that cared about me before and…at that Jude looked at him with a soft smile. I love you too Gideon. Zero gave Jude a smile that is only for Jude. It’s not the big typical Zero smile. It’s a gentle one filled with a lot of emotion. Zero looked at Jude with that smile. I don’t know what I did to deserve you. I just never thought it could be like this. Jude leaned over and gave a soft kiss. We need to get going. I have to show my boyfriend off. He said that with a twinkle in his eye.

They sat close to each other on the way to the event. Zero leaned in and rested his head on the back of the seat and had his hand on Jude’s leg. He just turned his head and smiled. He didn’t say anything for the longest time. Jude looked at Zero. It’s just you and me remember. Zero smiled…you and me he repeated softly. They pulled up and noticed a bunch of cars already outside. When they walked in the found some of the Devil Girls rehearsing. Zero was watching Ahsha work with some of the girl’s choreography while Jude was off with the caterer. As he stood there Jelena walked up behind him. I suppose I should congratulate you on being gay. She looked at Zero with her big eyes and had a snide smile on her face. Zero without missing a beat just said thanks. Glade you didn’t take it hard. Guess after you I realized women just didn’t do it for me. Jelena smirked. Lucky Jude. Hope he knows to keep one eye open. Well, I am pretty fuckin hot…glade you always wanted to look at me. She started to laugh. At that she sauntered towards the girls. Hey Jelena, good luck tonight. I don’t need luck Zero she says without even turning around. Well, still, it’s nice seeing you dance for me. At that he chucked as she turned toward him her eyes narrowed. Zero decided to turn away. He liked having the last word on this one. He walked towards Jude.

Jude was now standing with a group of very attractive men giving them instructions. Zero walked up…hey babe. Some of the men looked over and you could see lust in there eyes when Zero walked up. Jude took note of that right away. Normally it probably would have bothered him. Jude has always been insecure about his self-worth. He knows Zero is a celebrity and this is par for the course but this is a party that is celebrating Zero declaring his love for him and for some reason it made him laugh silently at how his life has changed. He's dating a Devils basketball player! Jude turning to look at Zero. They are sorta the walking go-go boys. I’m going to be having them wear this and he holds up a very small deep red colored low-rise brief along with a pair of horns for them to wear on there forehead. They will be serving shots to the guest. Zero looked at Jude, I see this isn’t celebrating my bisexuality. Jude smirked at him. Nope, it’s celebrating me being totally gay. Figured I needed a little something extra, a little extra eye candy for the festivities. Zero grabbed Jude and placed his right hand on his ass as he pulled him in. Oh, I’ll give you something extra. Jude looked over and saw one of the boys totally looking at him with envy. Jude couldn’t help but lean in and kiss Zero. Something Zero took notice of. He whispered in Jude’s ear…a little possessive tonight eh. Jude looked at him with a blank face. I don’t know what you’re talking about. But it should be remembered I don’t share…and looking down at his crotch he looked up. Just remember Zero, that’s mine. He winked at Zero and turned back to his work.

The guests started arriving. This was amazing. Zero went over to the DJ and told him to start and he had the music syncing up with the video with the photographs from the photo-shoot. Each picture stayed in place for a good ten minutes. This wasn’t a slide show. Zero wanted to make it look more like sex and thought he would have particular images pop up with the logo OUT on the bottom of each frame. Zero and Jude were busy greeting the guests when Lionel walked in. Jude went to give her a hug. She looked up at the pictures on the screen and looked at Jude. Damn! Jude turned and was horrified. Zero stood there beaming with pride. There was Jude half naked, oiled up standing next to Zero with his hands on Zero’s waste. Jude turned around and saw everyone looking at the photos. He saw the Devil Girls looking at them. Kyle Hart had her mouth practically on the floor as she turned over and looked at Jude and mouthed Holy Fuck and she smirked at him with a wink. Lionel looked over at Jude with a big grin on her face. I knew you were attractive Jude, but what you were hiding under that suit. Wow…now I see why he came out for you. Jude was looking and some of the go-go boys now were looking at him smiling. He even saw Douglas from the interview deeply admiring the pictures…that was something Zero caught right away as he stared at him in the distance for a couple minutes with a smirk on his face. 

Zero walked over to Jude. Told you were hot. Zero, I…I look like that? Zero said, fuck ya you do. Told you you’re hot. Maybe now you might start believing me. Jude saw pics he didn’t even know he took. Some of them laughing as they ate lunch. There was a couple of them whispering into each others ears with smiles on there faces. There were pictures of them working out showing Zero’s muscles flexing like a Greek god. But there were a few pictures of Jude (wearing Zero’s underwear line) that made his jaw hit the floor. His hair was greased back and he was oiled up looking like he was wet. He remembered how fat he felt while he was taking that picture. At first he was embarrassed but after seeing peoples reactions and the way they were looking at him he felt, sorta sexy. Zero leaned in and whispered. Remember, he looked down towards Jude’s crotch and looked up into his eyes…just remember that belongs to me. I don’t share. Jude smirked. You don’t need to worry. It belongs to you. Zero leaned in. Good, now do you need a drink? I’m feeling rather hot right now. Sure, that would be nice.

Zero stood against the bar waiting for his drinks and Lionel walked up. Great party Zero. Zero looked at her…it was all Jude. He stood there shaking his head. Turned out great. Lionel looked at him with gentleness in her eye. I wanted Jude to find love. Just didn’t’ think it was going to be with you. Zero stood there laughing. Neither did I. Lionel’s eyes narrowed and her voice dropped. You hurt him and I will drive a car so far up your ass you’ll taste wiper fluid. Zero stood there and just smiled. Damn, that woman had some balls. I’ll be sure to remember that he said. You do that she said. I do wish you the best though Zero. You make him happy. Just don’t go ruining it. I mean what I say. Wiper fluid! She patted Zero on the arm and walked away. Zero leaned in and took his drinks and walked back to Jude.

This party was a huge success. There were people waiting to get inside. It seems all of those in Hollywood that were gay all showed up in great numbers. Sports celebrities from football players to tennis players were coming up to Zero congratulating the two of them. Jude stood there the entire time. It seemed surreal almost. Like this was a movie and he was living someone else’s life. The two were greeting people when a reporter walked up. Jude, this is Scott Jenson. Remember when I said that his publisher contacted me about doing a book on me. Scott turned to Jude. It’s so nice to meet the other half of the kiss. Jude stood there with a huge grin. Ya, still trying to wrap my head around that one. It’s funny knowing I’ll be on YouTube for the rest of my life…but he turned to Zero, if I was going to be shown to be kissing someone I’m sure glade it’s this one. So, Zero, Scott goes on to say. Can we take a drive over to your childhood home? I’d like to, and at that Zero cut him off. I told you I don’t want to talk about my childhood. Jude turned to him. Well, he can’t anyways. He has a game tomorrow and he can’t leave LA. Scott looked at him and raised his eyebrows. The house is here in LA. Jude turned to Zero who was looking straight at Scott. I said no. 

Jude stood there and realized this was going to be a conversation for later. Zero never told him he was from CO, he just assumed it as that is where he went to school. Zero looked up and a man in drag walked up. Zero honey, we wanna take some pictures with our favorite Devil. Zero turned to Jude. Well, you heard the lady. Duty calls. She turns to Jude, don’t mind me sweetie. I’ll bring him right back but I do wanna see if girls still turn him on. Jude laughed at that as he saw the twinkle in her eyes. You do that. Jude looked at Zero and scanned down. Remember, mine! Zero just stood there beaming. Yes boss! But as the night progress Jude had wanted to do something. Zero, hey, I’m going to go now. I’ll meet you at home. Sure thing boss Zero says. He was so busy greeting people Jude thought this was the perfect time to slip out. He also wanted to take note to bring up what the writer had said. As Jude was walking out the door he saw Ahsha and Derek in the distance. He walked over. I just wanted to say thank you. You guys did a fantastic job. It was truly great choreography. She looked a Jude with a genuine smile. Thank you Jude! He turned to Derek and nodes his head, Derek. He nods back. If you two will excuse me I have to leave. Great party Ahasha said…ya, turned out well. 

As Jude left he just smiled. For the first time in his life he has someone that loves him. He just shakes his head as he leaves looking up at the pictures. Surreal is all he murmurs.


	19. Going Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Visiting Jude's mother

Zero, breath…I don’t know why you’re so tense. I am just nervous ok. I’m meeting your mother. Jude looked over at him as they pulled up into the driveway. She will love you because I love you. Ok? Come on let’s get inside. They pull up to a house in Minneapolis. About two blocks off Lake of the Aisles which is one of the inner city lakes in a very upscale area. The homes were older, built with a very 60’s “modern” look. It was nothing ostentatious like Oscar’s home. But it was a rather large U-shaped rambler with a pool and a garden in the back with a walkout basement that over looked the pool which was laid in the middle of the courtyard nestled in the U-shape of the homes backyard. Jude’s mother was well taken care of. She never remarried so she still collects alimony from Oscar’s estate. Though, she was never one to just sit around and play bridge with the ladies and made sure to teach Jude the necessity for hard work and an independence from the false lies that a privileged life can give. She worked part-time in the high school Jude attended in the front office. It wasn’t a glamorous job but she liked being around the kids. She said it was a way of feeling needed and useful. 

Zero grabs their bags and follows Jude. He rings the doorbell to give his mother a heads up he’s home and just walks in. Mom you there? He walks into the living room. Zero was really impressed with a very updated trendy style living room. Modestly furnished but nothing over the top like you’d see in a Hollywood home. She obviously was a woman with a more refined taste. Mother? I’m in the kitchen dear. Jude walks in and finds his mother. She was in the fridge digging out some chicken for dinner and turns around. Jude! She throws herself into her sons embrace. She is a rather tiny woman, with the same chestnut brown hair like Jude standing no more then 5’2” and barley comes up to Jude’s chest as he hugs her and gives a kiss on her cheek. Oh honey, I’m so happy you’re home…she turns to Zero. Where are my manners? I’m Joanne and you are Gideon I take it. You are a handsome boy. Zero for some reason remembered something Jude had said a long time ago when Oscar told Jude he should stop trying to live up to being like him because he takes after his mother. The moment Zero met this woman he instantly knew what Oscar meant. That same kind gentle spirit was emanating from her, and thank goodness he obviously got his good looks from his mothers side! 

You two must be tired. Why don’t you go drop your bags, Jude began to tell Zero where he would be staying. He wasn’t sure how his mother was going to react. He hadn’t told his mother he was gay. She found out with everyone else the night of the kiss. Though, she was not surprised just had wished Jude had felt comfortable enough to talk to her about it. Something she never said but just had hoped in her heart deep down. She was a woman with a strong faith and conviction. She made sure never to act unseemly in front of her son and tried to teach Jude the importance of treating women with dignity and respect and never to use a person as an object. Probably as a deterrent for the abusive behavior he’d witness from his father. 

As Jude was talking she stood there smiling. Honey really please use the guest room downstairs. She turns to Zero. Jude’s room is next to mine. She smiles softly like Jude. The last thing I want to hear all night is two grown men going at it! MOTHER!! Jude was totally red faced and Zero had the most mischievous grin on his face. Seriously honey, I am not a dinosaur. You are two grown men and it’s to late I’m guessing to have talked to you about saving yourself for marriage. Since you gave the milk away for free… she turned to Zero and winked. Mom, Jude whined totally embarrassed. Go on, Joanne says. I’ll just start dinner. You both must be starving. 

Jude takes Zero down to the basement. It was a lovely family room with a giant TV and a brick fireplace. The windows wrapped all the way around the room overlooking a beautiful view of the pool. Jude takes Zero into the bedroom. It was a very comfortable room with a walk out patio that was next to the rose garden and had a beautiful oak tree that sat in the distance. Jude turned around and Zero was practically on top of him. I like your mother…ya, I can tell Jude responded. Though, he huffed. She can be so embarrassing at times. Zero looked at him and held his right hand to his cheek. I like the way she makes you blush. It’s sexy. Oh, show me how sexy. Zero leaned in and gave a kiss. Jude gave a soft moan and pulled away. Not now…my mothers upstairs. He started to giggle. 

Here let me show you the house. Jude guided Zero around his home. They had moved into this house when he was a baby so it’s really the only home he’s ever known. He never felt like Oscars was his home. It always felt sterol void of love, but this, this was Jude’s home. He led Zero into his bedroom, which was next to his mother’s room. Zero looked around and started to laugh. You haven’t redirected in some time. Jude had hanging on the wall a giant Harry Potter movie poster with a Tobey McGuire Spiderman movie poster hanging next to it…and there was an entire wall of pictures of Devil’s players from at least 10+ years ago. He started looking over the shelves and admiring the pictures. Jude was pointing out friends of his and Zero came across a picture. You were in the marching band…seriously? Um, that was the basketball pep band thank you very much, but lowering his voice, ya, I was in the marching band too. What did you play? Trumpet. That’s why you know how to pucker and blow so well. Jude started to laugh and hit his fist into Zero’s arm. Shut-up stupid. Zero was laughing…make me. I’m dating a band geek. Jude looked at him. Get’s worse. I played D&D on the weekend with friends. Well, that explains your homage to Middle Earth over there. Awww, Harry Potter is not Middle Earth. That’s the Hobbit he says with a little smirk that makes Zero melt. 

By the time they made it back to the kitchen Joanne was busy preparing dinner. Have a seat. She turns to Jude…don’t be rude, see if Gideon wants something to drink. Zero looked at him, lowering his voice so only Jude could hear him while that Cheshire grin was plastered on his face. Ya get me something to drink. What would my lord like to drink Jude asks humbling himself mockingly before Zero? Does your mother have a pint of ale? Why yes, I had her pick-up your favorite brand. Well boy, fetch me that beer and come sit upon me lap. Jude laughed as he walked to the fridge…sure thing Captain. Zero was admiring Jude’s ass in the shorts he was wearing as he walked to the fridge. He was biting his lip looking at him with an intense gaze when he looked over and caught Joanne watching him. She turned to Jude and looked back at Zero and gave him a small smile as she turned towards dinner. She probably found it amusing that his face was five shades of red. 

Dinner went well. It was a mixture of embarrassing stories about her Judy. She had taken a few pictures out to show Zero, which totally was embarrassing Jude but there wasn’t one thing he could do about it. Jude was a rather skinny boy…really skinny. He had to interject to get his mother to stop rambling about her boy. I started putting weight on around my 4th year in college. I joined a Bally’s. I remember the first day when I was getting a tour. The trainer was asking me what my goals were. I pointed at a picture on the wall and I still remember him laughing and telling me good luck with that. Joanne turned to Jude. Well, you’re my little muscleman now! Just look at him, she smiles at Zero as she squeezes his bicep. I showed all the girls at work that pictorial you two did in that magazine. Jude went ashen thinking his mother and all the women he’s know since he was a child saw his pictures. Zero looked at him and smirked. Mamma’s little muscleman! Well, mom this has been fun but I told Paul that I would be meeting up with him….um, ya, time to go. Joanna looked at him…oh I embarrassed you again didn’t I. Well, dear, if you didn’t want me to see you practically naked and on top of this over here perhaps you shouldn’t have done the pictures. Bye mom…I’ll see you in the morning. You remember Mrs. Johnson? Ya, she was quite impressed with your…how did she put it? Your…Jude cut his mother off. Really mother you’ve said quite enough, and he started mumbling under his breath as he was walking out unless you want to start going over my masturbation habits in Jr. High. Oh, I wanna hear about that Zero interjected…come on Jude. Tell me about your masturbation…he was teasing Jude as they walked to the car. 

They were pulling up to Sports bar in Uptown, which only was a few miles away from where Jude lived. He walked into the bar and was scanning the room. Zero was standing next to Jude with his hand placed on his lower back when he hears Jude. Paul, hey buddy. Jude walks over and starts hugging this man who was a bit too attractive in Zero’s opinion. With a very sold build and sandy blond hair and beautiful blue grey eyes. He stood there watching the two when Jude pulled away and Paul’s eyes darted right to Zero. He looked back and Jude. I always new you were gay. It’s so not fucking fare. I’ve been out for a decade and you come out and the first guy you date is that! Not fare! Zero started to laugh and felt his insides relaxing seeing the very platonic bantering going on. Zero extends his hand. Hi I’m…Paul cuts him off. Oh, I fucking know who you are. Fuck, the entire city knows who the both of you are after that kiss went viral. I’m Paul. Jude’s best friend...ain’t that right as he grabbed Jude and started rubbing the top of his head like some boy in high school. 

Here I have a table already…hope you don’t mind I ordered some wings. He looked at Zero. Need to fatten you up and looking at Jude, I saw those pics in OUT…when the hell did you start looking like that Jude? Comes out of the closet and fucking looks like he jumped out of a Sean Cody porn. Hey, you two should come out dancing with me later. I need to show off my 2 hot celebrity friends. Maybe next time Jude says. Come-on, standing next to you both I’m sure to get laid. Jude looked at Zero…I did enough of that when I was in college. He’d drag me off to bars, to Pride…and when he met up with a guy I’d be left standing there running from some daddy half the time trying to get in my pants. Paul smiled, yup the good ol’ days. Jude looked at him…you’re such a whore. I am not…he looked at Zero. I’m a slut. I don’t get paid. And that’s why you’re single Jude interjected. Oh, I’m so sorry. We all don’t have the luck of snagging a basketball player who’s in Peoples 50 Most Attractive Men issue coming out for me on national TV. He smirked at Jude, but don’t worry. I’m used to disappointments. Moves to LA and he goes all Hollywood on me…it’s ok I get it. Jude tells him to shut-up and laughs. 

So Zero, what has Jude actually told you about himself? Jude rolled his eyes. Zero placed his hand around Jude’s waste at the table and for some reason Jude just relaxed. It was something Paul noticed right away but kept it to himself with a small smirk to himself. He was glade to finally see Jude happy. It was something in his eyes. Jude seemed different. He seemed complete. So did he tell you he was in the marching band yet? Zero started laughing. Yup, and might I say you were dashing in your uniform. Ya, polestar brings the sexy out in me Jude laughed. My best memories of Jude were sitting in my basement smoking some weed with the window open and a half dozen incense sticks burning trying to cover up the smoke. Paul smirking and looked down…what, Jude said? He winked and opened his jacket and Jude could see a small bag. Thought we’d hit the beach later and go for a little walk. Zero turned to Jude…you smoked? Well, I didn’t have you to unwind me back then. A boy had to make due. Paul started to make gaging sounds. Zero just smirked…as Jude turned to Paul. And Zero is quite big…and the things he does with his tongue. Paul just sat there. You’re such a fucker Kinkade he said with a smirk on his face as he shakes his head. Jude deepened his gaze…and he fucks me for hours. Zero started to spit out his beer as he had just taken a sip. He couldn’t believe Jude just said that. Jude never talks like that. 

They sat there for hours laughing talking about old times. A few pitchers of wings had been consumed and as the night progressed some old friends popped by. Jude was starting to feel on display as half the women that walked by telling Jude how hot he looked in that magazine. He seriously wanted to crawl under the table, as Paul was asking Zero how he was able to get mister fussy pants to take his cloths off. You thought you had gotten Jude to loosen up if he only wore one t-shirt instead of two. Zero looked at him…dropping his head down low almost like he was going to whisper it in his ear. It’s amazing what he will do after a good fuck. Jude turned to Zero…oh really, is that how it works does it. Paul was laughing. You fucker Kinkade. I hate you both. 

After way to many hours Jude and Zero had left. The lake that connects to the one Jude grew up on is only a couple blocks away so they decide to take a moonlit walk. Jude hadn’t had any time with Zero alone and it just felt nice. Jude grabs Zero’s hand. Zero turns to him. Relax, Zero, it’s ok. This is actually a very liberal state with some very progressive viewpoints. It has one of the higher gay populations in the country. As they walk down the street they come to the lake Zero was admiring the moon and the light shimmering over the calm water. Jude was pointing out homes that people had once lived in. Josh Hartnett lived there. He had another house before that which was a few blocks farther in. Zero was kinda taken back that Hollywood people lived here. Sure, Jessica Lange actually moved back to raised her kids. I don’t’ think she lives there anymore but she did for many years. Winona Ryder, Chris Pratt, Jessica Biel, Vince Vaughn, Judy Garland…but before Jude could say they were from MN Zero starts laughing. Judy Garland! You are so gay. He grabs Jude and presses his body next to his. It feels so different here then around the ocean. It’s so calm and serene. He feels Jude tugging his hand and pulling behind a band shelter. He pulls out the bag that was in Paul’s jacket. Jude! Zero smirks at him. Thought we could have a nice moonlit stroll with my babe stoned. Zero looked at him…I’m game. 

After a couple drags Jude looked at Zero and just started to giggle. Come…he grabs Zero’s hand giving it a squeeze. Just wanted to say thanks for coming home with me. It means a lot to me to see you and my mom together. You’re the most important person in my life and I just wanted her to meet you so she can see for herself how amazing and sweet you are. Zero looks at him. He lowers his head and smiles. Turning his head to the water. They walk along in silence still holding hands. My childhood was so much different then this. Jude turns to him. Wanna talk about it. No, not yet. But when we get home I think I’m ready to go back there with you. I want you to get to know me too. They sit for hours listening to the crickets and the wind rustling through the trees. It was just one of those moments you wish could go on forever. Jude was telling Zero so much about his childhood. Things he hadn’t thought about in years and Zero was eagerly listening wanting to be a part of Jude’s life. 

Zero had a really nice time. He was surprised how easy it was to walk around. It’s been so long since he hasn’t had a camera shoved in his face. A few people here and there recognized him but no one seemed to bother them. Jude was telling Zero how he always heard that Prince would go to the local Target or grocery store around Paisley Park and just walk around and no one ever bothered him. People here seem more at arms length, reserved. Though when they decided to go to the Mall of America he made Zero put on a baseball cap. There was no reason to take a chance. But the weekend was winding down and it was almost time to go back to LA. Saturday night Jude’s mother decided to have a BBQ and surprised Jude introducing him to a man she had been casually dating. He was a widower. His name was Harold. He came off with a very warm and tender personality. He wore small wire glasses, his hair was silver and white and had a slightly round build with an infectious smile and laugh. When Jude approached his mom about him earlier she made a point to say why should he be the only one to get to date a stud. Jude started laughing. Harold hardly seemed like a stud but he was really cute with his mom. Though Harold did make sure Zero knew he was a Wild’s supporter…Zero started to laugh. It’s important to support your hometown boys. I won’t hold that against you. 

They had an early flight out the next morning. Zero had an away game on Monday so it was important for him to get some rest tomorrow. They went to bed that night. Zero was nestled onto Jude’s chest as Jude gently caressed his face. They both had never imagined it could be like this. But Zero especially had never felt so natural and free as he had this weekend. For some reason it was one of the first times he felt like a Gideon and not a Zero. He liked that.


	20. Zero's Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> House Zero grew up in.

Jude Kinkade for most of his life has been alone. He had a loving relationship with his mother but the rejection he felt from his father was palpable. And sadly often times it was easier for him to fault his mother for his father’s rejection. He hasn’t forgotten those moments. He hasn’t forgotten life’s many mountains and sometimes-long roads he had walk alone but lying in his bed now, at this moment, he feels the warmth and strong embrace of someone who loves him. Someone who risked everything just to tell him how much he loved him. He remembers the painful and lonely moments in his suffering, that deep sense of longing for acceptance but now he has found himself in this place, well, it’s a gift. Gideon with all his faults is a beautiful and unexpected gift. 

Zero is lying on his right side. One of his legs is wrapped around Jude’s legs and he has his head on his chest with his arms tightly around Jude’s waste. Jude has his arm under Zero’s head and just caresses Zero as he sleeps. Zero moves a little and Jude just takes his free had and caresses Zero’s arm…shhhh, go back to sleep. He heard Zero whisper his name softly as he slept. Jude smiles as he drifts to sleep. He has waited all his life to feel like he belonged to someone and he has no clue how but Gideon…Gideon is his family and he hoped that Zero felt the same way. 

It has been almost a month since Zero told Jude he would bring him to where he had been raised. It was a particularly hot day. Zero finally came to Jude and said he was ready to go back there. He was hesitant in going but he remembers his promise to Jude the night of his coming out party. He didn’t want to share his story with the world, but he did want to make Jude part of his story and he knew it was time to share his past. What baffled Zero the most was why Jude cared so much about him. Since Zero first started playing ball people have always been attracted to him. Not him so much but his image. Everywhere he went people always leer and throw them selves at him. Jude however, he was different. It was the first time Zero felt like somebody. It was the first time he felt like someone actually cared about him and it wasn’t for his name, money, fame or even his looks. 

Come on Gideon, I would like to go sometime before dinner. Ya, ya, I’m coming Zero is exclaiming as he comes out of the bathroom. It’s quite obvious to Jude that Zero seems off this morning. He walks to Zero and wraps his arm around him and Zero pulls him in tighter. We will get through this together. We don’t have to talk about anything you’re not ready to talk about. Zero looks into Jude’s eyes. Just gazing into Jude’s eyes leaves him vulnerable, leaving him no possibility but to surrender every thing he has to him. Jude leans in…I love you and smiles softly. But lets go, think rush hour should be done by now. As they head to the car Zero turns to Jude. Can you drive? Jude turns to him, sure. But do you mind if we stop off at Target on the way home. I need to pick up a new ink cartridge for our printer. We can grab something to eat at Sully’s after if you are up for it. Zero barley pays attention but just looks at him and half smiles. Sure.

They are driving down the 101 and Zero is plagued with his past. He wasn’t at this house his entre childhood but it was probably one of the most defining moments of his early life. It is probably without a question what left the most damage to him as a person. There was absolutely no love, no guidance. This is where Gideon became Zero. The time went by fast as they speed down the interstate. Zero seemed spaced out and just stared out the window without saying anything. Jude new this was tough on him. He kept the conversation at a minimum, leaving Zero to his thoughts and just played some music to help drown his thoughts as they drove.

Jude pulled up to a 50’s style rambler. It was in a very depressing neighborhood and the house itself looked run down. It obviously has not had any love given to it. Jude pulled his Porsche up to front of the home. Ready to face your past? Zero looked down not looking at Jude. I don’t think this is a good time. Jude turns to Zero. They are tearing it down. It’s the best time. You’re strong. You can handle this. The silence in the car spoke volumes to Jude. You don’t think I’m strong enough to handle this! It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. Zero turns to Jude as he opens the car door. As Jude is getting out he hears Zero. I didn’t say that! Unbelievable, Jude exclaims! Jude, Zero cries out, Jude. 

Jude walks around the front of the car and heads up to the house and is surprised to see there is no lock on it. It looks like something should be skewering out the door as you open it. He opens it hesitantly. The smell hits Jude when he enters the house. Looks like Chernobyl, like a bomb went off! Zero walks into the house and his face seems like stone and his eyes are glazed over. Chernobyl would have been to good for this place. Jude was gazing out the window at the depressing yard and could almost feel the sadness crying out in the room. Jude was lonely but he didn’t grow up poor and he never saw anything like this before. 

What were they like, your foster parents? Zero huffed out a sarcastic laugh as he was looking back into his past. Leo didn’t work, just bitched all day. Carla spent all the checks from the state on scratch tickets. Dozen kids is a lot of cherries. Where did you sleep Jude turns to him? I slept right here. Zero hits a dilapidated blue sofa that sat in the middle of the room. Sometimes I’d sleep at the courts down the street. Zero looks out the window almost lost in his thoughts. I would be gone for days and they would not have noticed. They only cared if the social worker was coming and then they’d clean the place up and make sure we had clean cloths on. Zero turns to Jude and looks into his eyes and he didn’t see any pity. That was the real reason Zero didn’t want Jude to see this. He didn’t want Jude to feel sorry for him. He wanted the past to be buried and just to look at Jude and see only what they have now.

You said Leo & Carla gave you the name Zero. What about Gideon? My mom gave me that name, as he walks around the sofa looking into the kitchen area. That’s how I came up with all the bible stuff. Gideon Bibles. Zero giving him that you know should be obvious look and half smiles. I saw how much people jumped at religion and thought I’d make it my character. Zero turns to Jude and he can see a smile on Jude’s face. They both were recalling different moments Zero used religion as a means to get a sponsor or to make a headline, Jude new exactly why Zero played off that character. 

How old were you when your mom gave you up again? Five. Still don’t know why she did it. One day she dropped us off. Jude turns to Zero. Us? Ya, me and my sister. Zero say’s almost without any feeling. You had a sister? Zero looks at Jude with that stony look in his eyes again. Had, have. I don’t know. I haven’t seen her in years. We got separated. Jude looks at Zero with longing in his eyes. You’re telling me about your sister, about your life like you have no feelings about it. Zero looks at Jude. I have feelings. So I control them so they don’t control me. Jude shaking his head looks at Zero. They are controlling you now. I’m not gonna lose it Jude, especially not in front of you. Especially, why? Because you may not like what you see.

Jude walks out of the room and Zero looks at him. Fuck, is all he murmurs. He doesn’t mean to push Jude away but he doesn’t want to show his weakness in front people, especially not in front of the only person that matters to him. Jude is gone for a few moments and comes in with a sledgehammer. Zero looks at him. Show me! Jude, I’m not gonna smash this house. Why not? Because it’s stupid. It’s stupid not too. The place is going to be demolished anyway. Why not help it out. Zero just looks at him like he’s gone crazy. Jude always the person working a situation decides to take a different approach. Maybe, maybe it wasn’t as bad as you remember it. Maybe it was a safe place for those other kids. Really, Zero exclaims in a huff? Maybe we should be thanking Leo & Carla. What was your sister’s name? Laura. Maybe Laura hated leaving this place. Zero’s insides were burning and for some reason something in him snapped and he held the hammer tightly in his hand.

Zero took the hammer and smashed it against the sofa…all those memories of sleeping on that coach. Not having a bedroom, clean cloths. He turns to the kitchen counter top. How many times they went hungry because there care givers were to hung over to make them food or even buy anything. How many times Zero had to steal something just to eat. Laura hated leaving this place. Fuck you is all he could think as his thoughts drifted to Carla and Leo. Zero swung the hammer against the wall and just started pounding everything like a mad man, as Jude stood off in a distance silent. Just letting Zero get this out. He had never seen so much raw emotion out of Zero before. I mean he has seen such tenderness and love from Gideon the past couple months since The Kiss but not this. Not this kind of anger.

Zero plunged the hammer and was about to take another swing when he felt Jude’s touch and something inside him just collapsed. All the anger and hatred seemed to flow out of him and into Jude’s embrace as he held Zero’s waste tightly. He could feel Jude place his lips on his shoulders and give him a kiss and hearing him say so softly I love you. They stood there what felt like hours but it was just a short while and said nothing. Jude just place his head against Zero’s shoulders and held him around his chest as Zero took his hand and place on his arm wanting to pull him in closer. This powerful man was for a moment just a little boy and Jude wanted nothing more than to protect his love from ever feeling this way again. 

Zero broke free from Jude’s embrace and turned around so he could look into his eyes. Jude could see the tears going down his cheek and felt such tenderness from Gideon for sharing this with him and not trying to hide his emotions from him. Jude looked at him. I love you Gideon. Just remember that. Zero looks at him. A name he used to hate and for some reason when Jude says it, well it’s like someone is finally talking to him directly. Someone is talking to his soul. He half smiled and grabbed Jude’s hand. Come on. Have to show you the rest of the house.

Zero took Jude around the house letting Jude know it was never a home. There was no love. But as he walked through the rooms he shared memories. Some of which horrified Jude but ever mindful of his boyfriends pride Jude always kept those thoughts to himself and tried hard not to show it on his face. Zero needed him to be strong. He didn’t want his pity. Even though Zero never really came out and said that Jude always knew. 

Zero followed Jude out of the house. It’s almost like he was looking at Jude as his life preserver and needed him to guide him out. They walked to the car holding hands. Zero turns to Jude and pulls him in and wraps his arms around him. Thank you for going with me today. I guess you were right. It was controlling me. Jude just smiled. Anytime. That’s what we do for each other Gideon. You are the most important person to me. Zero just smiles as he opens the car door. If you don’t mind babe, I’d like to get the fuck out of here. Hungry? Jude smiles. You want to go out? Can we just stop off and pick something up and make something at home Zero asks? Sure we can Jude says as he pulls away from the house liking the fact Zero calls what they have together home.


	21. Tennis Anyone?

Jude told Zero he’d be home by 6 so they could go out for dinner but lately he seems to be always running behind with all the work at the arena. He finds Zero in their bedroom. Barley looking up he just starts talking as if they were already in mid conversation. It’s not just the press; it’s the board questioning Lionel. He looks down shaking his head. They may be minority owners but there opinions matter. Zero looks at him, focusing his gaze on how tired Jude looks. Lately Jude has been so stressed about the potential buyout but damn is he wound up tight. Lionel’s seemingly never-ending irrational decisions were beginning to show and it’s really starting to stress Zero watching Jude caught in the middle of her shenanigans. "Maybe you should do something?" Jude does a laugh and frowns at this comment. "Um, already have." Looking at Zero with an almost hopeful gaze. "I made a double date with Markus Douglas. He’s got the most sway of anyone on the board. I can’t risk bringing Lionel. Goodness knows what will come out of her mouth. Would you um, would you go with me?" Zero looks him and gets that smirk on his face. Jude already knows his answer by the look in his eyes. "You want me to be the little wifey?" Jude pulls Zero close. "More like the big bad baller. Markus thinks you can do know wrong." Zero looks down, not wanting to meet Jude’s eyes. "Well he obviously doesn’t know me very well."

"Hey, where is this coming from?" Jude playfully grabs Zero close, grabbing his face to meet his eyes. "You’re not perfect by a long shot but you’re mine. You got that!" "Ya, I got that." "Sorry I came in and dumped this all on you. You obviously had something on your mind. I probably should have said hello first." Jude grabs Zero and pulls him in for a soft kiss on the lips. "Hi there," Jude says with a smirk on his face. "How was your day?" Zero smiles at his boyfriend, "hi back." There is something in his eyes…sorta a blank look. He’s been a bit off ever since they went to Leo & Carla’s house. "Just curious, I’ve been thinking about what we talked about at the house last week." "Oh ya, what about?" "Your sister." Zero looks into Jude’s eyes. It almost feels uncomfortable to him sometimes how naked he feels around Jude. Like there is nothing he can hide from him. "There is this private investigator I used. He’s good. Maybe he can help you find her." Zero is overwhelmed by the compassion he feels from Jude. You think after all this time he’d start getting used to it but for some reason it’s hard for him to understand why anyone cares so much about him but the paradox is that it’s become almost impossible to remember his life without Jude. He’s become so dependent on him. First Lionel and the fiasco of what he has to deal with regarding the buyout and here he is still concerning himself about his needs. 

Zero looks into Jude’s eyes. For some reason Jude needing him makes Zero feel like he has some value for the first time. He has never really sincerely dated someone before and this feeling of helping Jude becomes a top priority to him. Jude has done so much for him…he has given him so much. Zero pushes Jude a bit and just shakes his head. "What I need to find is something big bad and ballery to wear on this double date." He reaches over and slaps his hand on Jude arm. "Come on, we are going to be late. We have 7pm reservations at Cosettas and your boy’s hungry." Jude smiles as Zero walks out the bedroom door. Still taken back at the openness they share and how Zero truly seems committed to this relationship. He can never thank Lucas enough for blowing him off. 

Jude sets up the double date for Thursday afternoon. Zero has no practice that afternoon. They pull up to the country club Marcus belongs too and check in as his guests. Zero and Jude are both dressed very business casual with light Under Armour shorts and fitted polo shirt. Jude is so nervous. When he thinks about something too much he starts to panic. Zero has already caught on to so many of Jude’s habits and knows instinctively he needs to be distracted. Zero sorta gives Jude a check with his shoulder into his. "You’ll be fine. You got this." Jude just smiles. It means everything to him that Zero is here supporting him. "I’m Team Jude. I got this." Jude looks at him. "I’d say yes to a hot dog eating contest if it would make Markus happy." "Well, I know what would make me happy," Zero says with that gleam in his eyes. Jude looks at him with a smirk. "I like the idea of you eating a sausage." Jude just looks at him with a half chuckle and rolls his eyes. "Hey, is that Markus’s wife?" "No his wife’s in Cabo." "Well, isn’t that convenient" Zero responds. 

Jude walks over to Markus. "I thought Lionel might be joining us." "She wanted to but she is busy trying to hold down the fort." "Well she wouldn’t have to if she stopped inviting attack." Markus looks over at Zero and eyes him up. "But then again, it’s not every day I get to play against a superstar." He smiles at Zero. "You want to serve first?" "Sure." "Well, come on lets go." Zero takes the ball and serves. The ball flies clearly out of bounds. Jude spins around and looks over at Zero with total shock. "Well I never said I was good." Jude says nothing. He’s never known Zero not to be good at anything. Normally he would have relished in doing something better then Zero but he groaned on the inside…why today. 

The ball goes back and forth and Zero keeps missing easy shots leaving Markus with a wicked grin on his face. "Game, set, match!" Zero and Jude walk toward the nets to shake their opponents hands. Zero fixes his gaze on Marcus. Deep in thought calculating his next move he shakes Markus’ hand. Markus turns towards his girlfriend. "What can I say…she’s not just a pretty face!" "Well neither is he" Zero responds. Jude turns towards Zero in shock at how casual Zero said that. Jude stood there with a stern look on his face but on the inside his stomach does a little flip hearing Gideon say that to someone. Standing there with the summer sun beating down on the court Jude was amazed at what a good salesman Zero was. "Jude’s not a self-promoter. What he is but he is a brilliant strategist. Exactly what you need in a front office." Jude stood there and his heart was beating hard, hearing him go to bat for him, it’s so fricken hot. 

Markus looks at Zero almost as if he was ignoring Jude at the moment. "A true strategist wins no matter what their handicap. No offence Zero, but you suck at tennis." Turning his gaze to Jude Markus went on. "But my father taught me how to play and he was nowhere near as patient with me as you were with Zero. To me that means more." Without any hesitation Jude looks sternly at Markus. "When it comes to things I care about I’m not reckless." Zero smiles when he hears this realizing Jude is referring to not only his job but that Zero is important. "Good, cause there is enough of that coming from Lionel. If you are their balancing her out it will help me sleep a little sounder. You up for a drink? You can tell me more about your ideas." "Sure, that would be nice. You going to be ok" Jude says turning to Zero? Markus looks at Jude. "They will be fine. Zero looks like he needs lessons anyway." Jude looks over at Zero and smirks and turns back to Markus as they walk away. Wifey came through, Jude’s smiles to himself and with a brief look back and the smile on Jude’s face Zero knew wifey came through. Zero turns his attention to Markus’ girlfriend and spins his racked in his hands. "Well Maria Sharapova lessons start right now!" With that wicked smile he turns and walks to the other end of the court. 

The next morning Jude went out to get something for them to eat. After yesterday he knew Zero deserved a treat. Zero was lounging in bed with the sun beaming in. He never had any problem sleeping in but thought he needed to go in and hit the gym. "Jude? Jude?" Zero looks around the corner and was surprised so see Lionel. What the hell is she doing in our house? Zero comes out of the bedroom wiping his hair as he had just gotten out of the shower. "Where’s Jude," Lionel exclaims? "Jelena & Terrance have a meeting with the league & Sloane Hayes is walking them in on a damn red carpet." Zero just looks at Lionel casually with a bit of annoyance at being intruded on. "He’s not here." "Can you give me a little more than not here" she responds? Lionel walks over to the sofa and looks down at a bag and saw a badge from there lunch yesterday. "What were you and Jude doing with Markus at his country club?" "We had a friendly hit and giggle" Zero responded. Markus doesn’t do anything for a giggle. Zero knew this conversation was going to go badly but tried to downplay it as best he could. "Markus needed some breast-feeding. Jude wanted to make sure everything was cool with the board." 

Lionel’s eyes became cold and she looks at Zero. "He talked about board business without me?" "It’s his business too Lionel. It was Jude who was born with the name Kincade. You borrowed it and you haven’t been too careful with it lately. So I’d be thanking the guy for not only watching out for his legacy but also protecting yours." "Jude’s not protecting me." Lionel went on in a rant "he went there to vouch for me because he didn’t think I could do it for myself. Everyone is coming for me and the one person I trust doesn’t trust me." Zero’s face became stern. "You should talk to Jude." "Fine, I will do just that. Can you let Jude know I am looking for him if by chance you know were he is." "Will do Zero says." But before Zero can say another word Lionel turns around walks out the door. Looking back to Zero her eyes are focused on him. You do that. Have a nice day to you too Zero shouted as she walked out the door. 

Not even 15 minutes later Jude walks in caring a bag from the deli down the street. "Lionel was here. She figured out we went with Markus." "Did you tell her why we went?" "It didn’t matter. She thinks you’ve lost faith with her." "I’ll smooth it over with her tomorrow" Jude says as he was opening the food taking it out of the bag. Here I brought you some coffee. Zero walks over to Jude…"it’s true isn’t it?" "Ya, it is." "Then you will want to hear why she came by. Jelena & Terrence have a meeting with the league." Jude huffs a little and looks down "Lionel is out there thinking she has no one. Well, what’s the worst she could do he exclaims? It’s not like she is going to let Oscar out of jail. I’ll give her a call after we eat. I just can’t handle her without having some coffee first." Zero wraps his arms around Jude. "Well perhaps you can call her after something else. Was thinking it would be fun to have that sausage-eating contest." He says that with a gleam in his eyes. "Oh, I’d be game for that" Jude responds. "Oh ya? How about we put that coffee down and come over here." Grabbing Jude into his arms he pulls him in. "Oh, good morning by the way." Jude just smiles. He has spent his entire life feeling like the person outside always looking in and here he is. He smiles and looks Zero deep in the eyes. "Come on Gideon. Let’s go take this in the other room. We can discuss what the rules are to this contest." At that he grabs Zero’s hand and walks into their bedroom.


	22. Broken Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a bit of liberty on this one. It would be taking place after the episode "Til Death Do Us Part" Hope you like it. :)

Jude sat there with his head in his hands. He had been home for a couple hours now. His mind was racing. All he could think about was Gideon walking down the hall with the smashed image of Jelena around his feet. He was angry with Jelena but mostly he was mad at himself in how he reacted. He doesn’t even know how it happened to be honest. It all came at a rush with news that Jelena was able to get the board to give her control and then trading Zero. How is this even possible? How did this happen? He just kept mulling over and over in his head as the clock kept ticking back and forth.

Jude was pacing back and forth. He tried calling Gideon again, still no answer when he heard a soft knock on the door. Jude was approaching the door and he could hear someone on the other side. “Yes, we are home…damn, you’re a mess.” Jude rolled his eyes and was able to breath again as he opened the door. Zero’s buddy, Steve Diegle was holding him up against the frame of the door. Steve looks up and smiles at the worried look on Jude’s face. “I think this belongs to you.” Jude gives a half smile and says gently, “Thanks Steve.” 

Jude tenderly looks over at his totally drunken boyfriend as Zero looked up. His eyes were all red and puffy. He flung himself around Jude. Jude stepped back as the weight of the blond comes crashing down on him. “Fuck, you’re heavy,” Jude whispers to himself as he helped Zero to there bed. Zero leaned into Jude with his eyes so innocent it made Jude’s heart break into a thousand pieces. “Don’t leave me Jude.” “shhhhh,” Jude tries to console him as Zero starts to cry. 

Steve stood off in a distance. He had never seen Zero like this before. He was completely a mess. Zero kept going on. “I know Lionel is important but you’re my family. Please don’t leave me.” “Hey,” Jude tried holding up his face. “Gideon, listen to me.” Jude is looking into Zero’s face. Steve stood there for a second. “Gideon eh? So that’s what his name is.” Jude went on. “Gideon…I’m not going to leave you. Ever. I’m always going to be Team Zero.” “Team Zude,” Zero murmured softly. It was such a whisper that Jude almost didn’t catch that it was even said. But his heart swelled with emotion as he heard Zero say that to himself again. “Gideon…listen to me, you’re my family. I’m not leaving you. This, us…it’s the most important thing that has ever happened to me. You hear me…you are the most important thing that has ever happened to me” Zero looked up at Jude with tenderness in his eyes. “My Jude.” Zero brushed his hands across Jude’s face. “Mine.” Jude just looked at him as he laid Zero down and said softly in his ear…”yours”. 

Jude made his way out to the living room were Steve was still standing. “Well, Zero is sure an emotional drunk isn’t he,” Steve said with a smile. He could tell that Jude had been crying as well by the look in his eyes. Jude looks over at Steve, “here I thought I was the needy one in this relationship!” They both chuckled. Steve walked over to Jude and put his hand on his shoulder guiding him to sit down. “How are you hanging in there…was a pretty fucked up day!” “I’m doing Ok”, Jude said softly. “Just a lot to think about how we are going to address this. I don’t care about my job or the Devils, nothing is more important than that drunken idiot over there.” He half laughs, “I just need to figure out how to get Lionel out of this mess. I know what Oscar is like and I just can’t leave her. Gosh knows what he will do to her.” 

Steve smiled. “Zero knows that and he will understand. And you’re not alone. I will do whatever I can to help you.” There was a long moment of silence as Jude kept looking back at the bedroom door. Steve started to talk which drew Jude’s attention back. “It’s just, a lot has changed in the last six months.” Jude looking directly at Steve with a perplexed look, “how so?” Steve started to laugh softly. “Seriously Jude?” Jude gave a blank look and he went on. “Look at him…is that the Zero that came to LA? You have any idea how much he’s changed. Sometimes I look at him and I don’t even recognize him.” Jude just sat there in silence. “Jude, he’s crazy about you. You do know that don’t you? You’re seriously the only thing he talks about besides ball. So much so that it makes me a bit envious of what you guys have.” 

Jude sat there just contemplating what was said. “He’s changed me too. Sometimes I get so scared that I’ll wake up and he won’t be there. It’s hard at times to remember what it was like before him. Where did you find him?” “I found him at O’Hara’s. He started texting me but what he was saying wasn’t making any sense so I knew something was up. I went there. Found him alone at the bar staring at the glass.” Jude just looked at Steve with kindness in his eyes. “But if you don’t mind Jude, I need to head out. You going to be OK?” “Yes, I’ll be fine. I would like to have gotten some water down him but he didn’t quite make it that far. ” 

“Jude, it’s going to be OK. You know that right? Jelena can’t just trade someone in a matter of hours. The board will have to approve this.” Jude just looked at Steve as he walked him to the door. “I know. We will figure this out. If we have to leave we will.” His eyes became dark and Steve was taken back at the ominous look Jude had on his face. “I can deal with Jelena. She can’t just fuck over a Kinkade and think she can get away with it. All she is, is a fucking dancer and it’s time I remind her where she belongs.” Steve stood there. He had never seen this side of Jude before. He always seemed so gentle. But just for a few moments he almost felt like he was looking at Oscar. He smiled, “well remind me to stay on your good side.” Jude laughed. As far as the both of us are concerned Steve, you’re family too. But thank you for listening to me…and especially for bringing him home. I was really worried.” 

After Steve left Jude walked to the bedroom where he saw Gideon laying on the bed. He walked over and started to remove his shoes and take his pants off. Gideon stirred a bit as Jude climbed into the bed on the other side and wrapped his arms around him. “You’re my family too. I don’t know what I’d do without you Gideon.” And to Jude’s surprise Zero moved closer into Jude’s arms and said softly “love you” as he passed out in his boyfriend’s arms.

The next morning Jude woke to have the warm sun on his face. He was still in the same position holding Zero. It had only been a couple hours but the fact they were so intertwined with each other in bed brought a great deal of comfort to Jude. He slowly got out of bed as not to waken the drunken mess that was lying before him. He was certain this was going to be a painful morning for him. He went into the kitchen and started the coffee. He had some cinnamon rolls in the freezer that he took out to bake. He figured Gideon just needed something light. As he was standing up he felt Zero wrap his arms around his waste. Jude cracked a smile on his face as he turned around in the embrace. “Good morning sunshine.” Zero rolled his eyes and groaned. “Hardly.” 

What time did I get in last night? ” “Quarter after 1. You were pretty drunk. Steve brought you home.” Zero stood there with a solemn look on his face. “Ya, I remember. My head hurts.” Jude turned around and reached for a glass. Well, lets get some water in you and I have some Tylenol on the table.” Zero went and sat at the table as Jude stood behind him wrapping his arms around Zero’s neck as he gave a soft kiss on his head. “You were pretty messed up last night. Why did you run?” Zero sat there silent for a couple moments collecting his thoughts. “I know it was stupid Jude. Just something in me, well, I’ve spent my entire life alone and…” Jude cut him off. “Gideon, you know I’m never going to leave you. No one is going to break this team up. I am not going to let you go understand me.” Zero just smiled. “Ya, I get it. Sorry about last night.” 

Jude just sat next to him at the table intertwining their hands together. “I was pretty scared last night. I was texting, calling. I drove around to a couple places. Figured you might have gone to Ikes. When Steve came over I had been home for a while.” Jude looked into Zero’s eyes and he could still see the panic there. “Hey, it’s going to be ok. Jelena is not going to win this. And if are transferred I will move to where ever you go. We can always make a home in another city. I just need a little time to figure out how to help Lionel. I don’t know what I can do but I need to do something.” Zero just looked at Jude. There are so many things Zero finds so beautiful about Jude. But the one thing that stands out is his heart. “I know,” He looks at his boyfriend and grabbed his hand. “We will figure this out together.” Jude just smiled and said softly…”together.” 

Jude was getting up to go get the pastries out of the oven when Zero looked down at his phone. Jude had laid it on the table. Zero’s face became grim as he read the text from Pete. “Jude” Jude turns around as hears a tone in Zero’s face. “Jelena was shot last night.” The both looked at each other. Pete is asking the team to come down voluntarily to let the police know where we were at the time of the shooting. Jude shook his head. “Well, we better get you into the shower first. We both look like crazy men right now.” Zero smiled, “but you’re a very sexy crazy man.” Jude smiled and hit Zero in the shoulder. “Shut-up stupid.” Zero just sat there for a couple seconds as he watched Jude walk to the bedroom. He looked down at his hands and just murmured to himself “together” as he looked up at Jude in the distance.


End file.
